If I woke up tomorrow morning only to find that by some catastrophic nuclear disaster or something I was a man instead of a woman, what would I do? Don't tell me you've never wondered what it would be like to be the opposite sex. Everybody has. And I know this not because I've talked to everybody, but because I feel that way so it stands to reason that everyone else thinks like me (don't mess with my logic). Since I'm in the mood to make lists of things I shall put my response to this question in list format.
If I woke up as a man I would....
1. Pee Standing Up - That should've been obvious. Not only because women wish they could do it, but because I always have to go to the bathroom first thing in the morning anyway.
2. Lift Something Heavy - I'd make sure to pick something I normally struggle with as a woman and see what a difference it makes being a man. I might even try a pull-up or two. I'd just have to be careful not to get carried away picking up heavy things or I'd give myself a hernia within the first 20 minutes of being a man.
3. Punch Someone in the Face - I would start a fight just to punch a guy. I'd pick a guy smaller than me of course. This is assuming that I'm transformed into a normal sized guy and not just like I am now but with a penis. If I looked like I do now as I man I should definitely stay inside or I'd be the guy getting punched in the face.
4. Drive Somewhere - I'm ordinarily a bad driver but I'm betting that my new-found penis will lead the way.
5. Get My Car Repaired - ...or pretty much any work done that requires a mechanic or carpenter or handyman. I'd be sure to get a better price and finally see what it's like to not get talked down to.
6. Try to Fix Something Myself - I just need to know if mechanical knowledge comes with the penis or if I have to upgrade for that.
7. Spend Time With My Dog - Will he become my best friend or just remain a loyal pet? 
8. See How Much Alcohol I Can Drink - Ordinarily I'm done after two glasses of wine. Can I really drink an entire six pack by myself? I could try this at pretty much any bar and not worry about some creep taking advantage of drunk me. Well, that isn't entirely true. I'd have to pay attention to the neighborhood before attempting this.
9. Grow A Beard - It'll take some time, but I think it'll be worth it. I'd try out a goatee first and move on to a full beard from there. It would be great if I had chest hair too. I'd save on coats as I'd already have natural insulation.
10. Masturbate! - You knew that was coming (pun intended). How could you not do this under the circumstances? I wouldn't go so far as to have sex though. It would just be too weird. Masturbation is a different story however.
So, what would you do if you woke up tomorrow as a member of the opposite sex?
6 comments:
You know it's funny that you leave off with the comment on masturbation. I heard a radio show once ask, what would you do if you could be the opposite sex for a day. Almost everyone said masturbate, and squat over a mirror.
I literally said "It's great to be a man," yesterday. I was utilizing the cleanest Iraqi bathroom I've ever used, wearing about 70 pounds of crap, I couldn't even see my feet. And that thought hit me. I walked out of the bathroom and immediately told me female colleague of the great advantage that I had over her. She of course, was already painfully aware.
John -
Yes, I remember having to deal with that first hand. Not fun at all.
While it applies to a young child, I have always really liked this song by Dar Williams. Check out the lyrics:
http://www.lyricstime.com/dar-williams-when-i-was-a-boy-lyrics.html
Go to a bar and see what it is like to be able to get laid whenever I want just because I have a vagina.
RocknRoll - What a cute song. I've never heard it before. I was a tomboy for sure.
SFS - I imagine most guys would say that, until they realize it means they'll only be having sex with men...well, usually.
You have what appears to be a Westie puppy so I want to be your best friend now.
It doesn't hurt that you're also hilarious.
Post a Comment