Bacon is My Cocaine

 

We all know that bacon is tasty, but apparently it is also addictive now.  A new study by the Scripps Research Institute shows that fatty foods have an addictive quality and say it's along the same lines as heroine and cocaine.  These fatty foods stimulate the pleasure center of the brain so someone who overindulges on a regular basis will become accustomed to the stimulation and require a greater quantity of fatty foods to get the same feeling.  In the study, rats that were allowed to indulge in fatty foods not only became obese but they also continued to gorge themselves even when shocked (Kirstie Alley has also exhibited the same behavior).  The rats on a normal diet avoided the fatty foods when they realized they would be shocked if they went near it.  No word yet on whether or not the fat rats would literally kill a guy for a piece of pie.

Essentially this study proves that there is more to overeating than just lack of willpower and a desire to become the world's largest woman.  The problem I have with this is that one only becomes addicted after overindulging.  So, at some point you make the decision whether consciously or unconsciously to eat more than you should and to continue to do so long enough to become addicted.  Someone doesn't become addicted to heroine if they haven't had heroine before or even if they only tried it once or twice.  The only exception I know of being Ozzy Osbourne who, rumor has it, was born with a spoon in his hand and immediately asked for a lighter and a live bat.  If you start shooting up regularly, you shouldn't be surprised when you become addicted.  Of course I realize that there are a multitude of reasons that people end up falling into the over-eating trap; stress, anxiety, boredom, ignorance, growing up a child star, and a slew of other factors can cause you to overindulge.  So what happens once you are addicted?  Is there no hope?

The article doesn't discuss a solution to the problem other than a brief mention of possibly using prescription drugs to counteract it, because that's what addicts need, drugs.  Don't rush off to the methadone clinic yet though.  They also mention that these studies on rats may not translate exactly the same to humans. However since humans and rats act pretty much the same it's safe to assume the results are legit.  This study would explain why so many people have trouble losing weight and keeping it off.  They can usually stay away for a while, but eventually are lured back in by the siren song of bacon (bacon = harpy).  Let's just hope this and future studies aren't used as an excuse by those who wish to overeat, but rather as a deterrent for the next generation of potential over-eaters.
And now for a little fun at the expense of childhood obesity.....









Without a doubt Sean Astin can now do the truffle shuffle as well.  Too much hobbit food.


Why am I writing so many posts about food lately?  Probably because, with more free time on my hands, I have to be more aware of how much I eat and that I don't eat out of boredom.  If writing about food keeps me from eating it then that's what I'll do.

Fat, Fatter, and Fattest: America's Fat Children

We are a generation of fat people raising another generation of fat people.  America has a 34% obesity rate, but luckily that has leveled off over the past few years.  Notice I said "leveled off" and not decreased.  Apparently we've run out of fatty foods or we've just gotten as sedentary as we can possibly get and still be alive enough to count towards the statistic.  Hell, we've even got people trying to get as fat as possible.  No wonder British chef Jamie Oliver couldn't take it any longer and traveled to America to try and teach us how to eat healthy.  His new reality show, Jame Oliver's Food Revolution shows that many Americans would just rather be fat and die early. 

Someone should have warned Jamie that West Virginia is not the best place to go for a show, unless you're doing a Depression Era series and don't have the money for wardrobe or make-up or real actors.  No surprise that Jamie met with a lot of opposition trying to change the types of food elementary school age children were eating at home and especially at school.  Parents and school administrators and cooks would rather stuff the children with fat laden pre-processed crap than entertain the idea of feeding them healthier food.  They had excuses for everything: the food had to meet certain guidelines to be served to school children, they don't have the time or the man power to serve healthier food, and they don't think elementary school children should be given forks and knives to eat with.  That last one stunned Jamie and quite frankly me too.  I remember elementary school and I'm pretty sure we had forks and knives and we weren't stabbing each other with it or anything like that.  The school cooks are surprised that elementary school kids are expected to know how to eat like a normal human being with manners and instead expect them to shovel nachos and sloppy joes into their mouths with their hands and maybe a spoon if they want to get all uppity about it.

Maybe I'm missing something here.  I would personally rather pay a little extra money and take a little extra time to prepare healthy foods rather than feed my children crap that I know will make them unhealthy shorten their lives.  The children in the elementary school Jamie visited couldn't even identify vegetables and didn't know that french fries came from a potato! Granted, this is West Virginia and probably not the best example of American children's eating habits. 

It is a shame that the quickest, simplest thing to make is unhealthy but that is changing.  Now you can buy foods that require little to no preparation that are healthy, but these are often more expensive than their unhealthy counterparts. I'll give you an example of a food that's inexpensive and requires no preparation: an apple.  You don't have to spend your evenings eating tofu burgers and brussel sprouts but at least make a conscious effort to avoid eating your daily allowance of fat in one meal.  If money and convenience is an issue, at least consider frozen and canned vegetables over a continuous parade of chicken nuggets, french fries, and pizza. 

I suppose a lot of this has to do with culture and economic status, but there has to be a point where you decide that you want your children to lead a better, healthier life than you.  Just because your parents were ignorant of nutritional content and what constitutes a healthy diet, doesn't mean you have to be ignorant too.  And if you want to eat pizza and burgers at least run or something you lazy bastard. 

Home Sweet Home, Wherever That Is

Everybody needs a comfortable, familiar place to go to at the end of the day to leave behind all the stress of work, worry, and homicide-inducing coworkers.  No matter where it's at or what type of building it's in, we call this place home.  For the  past several years, ever since I joined the Army, I don't feel that I've had a home.  Even after I got past the living in barracks thing I still lived in an apartment and not at any one place for more than a year.  I don't think I can really ever see an apartment as a home though. You share a building with other people who are often loud when you want things to be quiet, have annoying children or  pets, and the apartment  management can come in any time they like.  If you try ignoring the knock at the door you may find a worker using his own  key to get in anyway, and that just makes for an awkward moment.

So, the husband and I are planning for our next move.  It depends largely on where my husband gets a job.  We are considering several places: Washington D.C., Virginia, Augusta GA, Arizona, and Maryland.  Quite a mix of places with each having their pros and cons.  So where do I want to live?  My answer changes day to day.  Yep, I'm one of those moody types who can't seem to figure out what they want to do.  That's why I'm leaving it largely in my husband's hands now as long as he doesn't try to move to Alaska or something. 

I had been resisting the idea of moving to Arizona until today.  It just seems like the easiest option with the most jobs available.  The town we would move to is a comfortable size for me (small town but not so small there isn't a bookstore), it is warm (love warm weather), and the housing there is cheap compared to what we'd be making.  So, you might ask, why don't you want to  move there?  I'm from Georgia and hence, am a huge fan of trees and lots of them.  There is far too much non-tree atmosphere for me.  And, I know several people that work there, which isn't necessarily a good thing.

So what about my other options?  Washington D.C. has horrible crime and traffic and is just too large for my tastes.  Maryland seems better but there's still traffic and I feel that I would somehow betray my southern heritage by moving north of the Mason-Dixon.  I'm sure the ghost of General Lee comes to haunt all southerners living in the Yankee states.  Virginia would save me from rebel retribution but wouldn't be too deep south.  Augusta would be not much different from where I'm living now, and honestly getting away from Georgia might be a good thing for us.  That obligatory family thing going on - not our problem.  As long as you live far enough away from family, you don't feel obligated to deal with family drama.  A phone call will suffice.

As you can see, we've got a lot to consider.  Pretty much any place we move we'll find something we don't like about it (I know, so pessimistic).  And, this move doesn't have to be the place we live for the rest of our lives.  Still, I long for an actual  house that I can call mine and a place I can call home.  I just wish I knew where that should be.        

Health Care Reform Is Coming Our Way

Well, it's done.  The House of Representatives passed the Health Care Reform Bill by a margin of 219 to 212.  I normally like to stay away from controversial issues, but this has gotten too big to ignore.  Even though it is less than an hour since the bill was passed, there's already a slew of opponents to the bill in uproar.  People aren't playing nice either.  You've got people on the floor of the House slinging insults at one another (someone called Stupak a baby killer) and protesters hurling racial slurs at lawmakers in support of the bill.  I can't say supporters of the bill are helping much.  I don't feel comfortable with the slim majority this bill passed by. 

First thing that annoys me about all this is the plethora of ill-informed people spouting their opinions.  If you don't really know what the Health Care Bill says, why are you so fired up?  Just because Glenn Beck says something doesn't make it true.  And just because you consider yourself a liberal and Democrats are in support of the bill doesn't mean you should automatically support it either.  Don't let politicians polarize us as they have Washington.  Also, don't think you have to be staunchly for or against.  You can support passing the bill without agreeing with the whole thing and you can disapprove of passing it without condemning the whole thing.

No matter how important an issue is, there's no need to demonize the opposing position.  Supporting the Health Care Reform Bill basically means you support the government mandating national health care and health insurance for most Americans.  It doesn't mean you've acquired a forked tongue and intend to invade Poland next.  Opposing the Bill simply means you don't want the government interfering with health care and health insurance and instead you'd rather choose what coverage you get and pay for it yourself.  It doesn't mean you've decided to weed out all the poor people by letting them get sick and die. 

Regardless of your position on this bill, the effects aren't going to be noticeable right away anyway.  This bill takes effect in 2014.  A lot can happen in four years.  So why don't we all just have a drink and call it a night.

New Computer Yeah!

I haven't exactly been the most productive writer yesterday and today.  I blame it partly on the nice weather forcing me to go out instead of stay in and write.  Most of the blame though is really on me for fooling around with my new computer.  Getting everything set up and transferred and saved to this computer has preoccupied me, but so has playing games online.  I have a 24" monitor now which is a major upgrade from the small laptop screen I had been using.  When I play farmville now it's as if I'm actually on the farm. 

Anyway, with that in mind this post is just going to be a bunch of comments on things I like and not a well thought out or put together blog entry.  Hope you don't mind.

Things I like --

Mental Floss - If you haven't ever read this magazine, I encourage you to.  It's a mix of two things most people are severely lacking nowadays: humor and intelligence.  Mental Floss has a way of educating you and making you laugh at the same time.  Some of their stories are about normal things (like the recent article "10 Provocative Questions about Chickens Answered") and others are a little more bizarre ("10 Prostitutes Who Changed the World").     


Rock Band 2 - The original RB was just a kick ass idea when it first hit the market in late 2007.  Granted it took the idea from the Guitar Hero games, but playing the drums is much more bad ass.  The ability to form your own garage band without worrying about making too much noise for the neighbors is appealing to a lot of people.  Now they have a bunch of additional accessories that make playing even more realistic.  The addition of 1, 2, or 3 cymbals to your drum set simulates an electronic drum kit much better.  Now if only they'd have a set-up that includes a hi-hat pedal we'd be set.

TweetDeck - If you've got an account with more than one social networking site, you'll benefit from TweetDeck.  You can set up a column for each of your sites allowing you to track everyone's tweets and status updates on one page.  You can also submit a status update and have it post to Twitter, Facebook, Myspace (if anyone still uses that), and any other site you want simultaneously.  You can also minimize it and continue working on the internet and it'll alert you to new updates from your friends with a brief tweet and momentarily flashing the new update in the upper right hand corner of your screen.  A good program for those multi-taskers out there.   

Windows 7 - Okay, so I've just starting working with this and I can't say I've discovered all the capabilities of this program, but so far I've got to say that I'm impressed with it. I have to say that a large part of it has to deal with aesthetics.  It is sleek and pretty and easy to use.  So far, so good.

My Husband - Even though he probably won't read this, I gotta give props to my hubby.  He is the nicest man I know and he is intelligent, funny, and attractive.  He got me a computer, added stuff to it, hooked it up and stayed up until 4am doing this for me.  He also came home from work today with Dunkin Donuts.  Freakin sweet.  I love him.

The Bigger the Better

While other women are busting their butts trying to get thin, there is a woman in New Jersey trying to do just the opposite in reaching new levels of obesity.  It's been reported that Donna Simpson is trying to eat her way to a Guinness world record for being the heaviest woman alive, but a recent New York Post article quotes her as saying she doesn't have realistic expectations of reaching that goal.  Nevertheless, she's consuming enormous amounts of food in order to gain weight.

I think my favorite part of this whole article is the statement  that "Guinness denies it’s encouraging Simpson and other freaks, only chronicling what they’d be doing naturally".  I don't know if the "freaks" part is Guinness's word or the NY Post's word.  It is fun to joke about all this but really it's more sad than anything.  Donna has a daughter that's three and likely mom won't live to see her daughter graduate high school.  That doesn't seem to bother Donna at all.  She gladly consumes about 12,000 calories a day! I don't think there's a way I could eat that much in one day if I tried, much less every day. 

Donna's boyfriend seems to be encouraging this endeavor of hers.  He wouldn't be the first guy to have a fat fetish, but there has to be a limit somewhere.  On the website I referenced above there is a link to a photo of Donna with only her underwear and bra on.  She doesn't seem to mind the fact people are gawking at her enormous belly that cascades down to her thigh region and is dangerously close to reaching her knees. 

It's one thing to decide that you aren't going to buy into the whole super model thin-trend, but another thing when you purposely try to gain an unhealthy amount of weight.  She obviously has some sort of addiction or deeper issue that needs to be addressed.  I'm no psychologist so I can't speak from expertise on this, but just reading about this makes me think this woman needs help.  Those around her are only enabling her either by directly supporting her or indirectly by giving her publicity and fame from all this.  I only hope that she doesn't actually make the world record or end up encouraging others to try to meet this ridiculous goal.  

 

A Man Was Hit by a Plane and...You Guessed It....Died

A Georgia man was killed yesterday while jogging when he was struck by a plane on Hilton Head Island.  Yep, this is one helluva way to die.  Apparently the small plane was making an emergency landing and the man was listening to his iPod and didn't hear the plane.  How loud is your music if you can't hear a plane coming straight at you?  Unless this was some secret super-silent spy plane it seems unfuckingbelievable.  I'm assuming his funeral will be closed casket.  Unfortunately he had a young three year old at home who will never be able to tell the story of her father's death without people laughing at her first and then awkwardly realizing she isn't telling a joke.

If you are particularly interested Wikipedia has an entry dedicated to List of Unusual Deaths.  Unfortunately many of these deaths aren't that interesting but rather someone dying at an inopportune moment or letting a small infection turn into something fatal.  There are, however, a few deaths that are really out there.

-- A Finnish actress died in 1939 when she mistook a chimney for a balcony and fell down the chimney to her death.  Where was Santa then huh?  And how in the hell do you confuse a chimney with a balcony?  I've never been to Finland but I'm pretty sure their architecture isn't that different from ours.

-- A Guitarist was electrocuted to death by a microphone while on stage.  This was probably God's way of telling him to stop singing.

-- Christine Chubbuck, a news reporter in Florida, committed suicide on live television in 1974 by pulling out her revolver and shooting herself in the head.  She decided to take her 15 seconds of fame at the end of her life. What a horrifyingly selfish way to claim the spotlight for yourself.

-- Then you have the guy that died laughing, literally. I've heard of this happening but what surprises me is that the movie he was watching at the time was A Fish Called Wanda.  Of all the movies you die laughing from it's this one?

There are many, many more of course.  I just concentrated on the modern day deaths, but they also included historical deaths as well.  It seems as if those would be more difficult to prove and were likely exaggerated over the years.  When my time comes I really don't want it to be sensational enough to get into the news.  If I'm going to be known for something,  I don't want it to be dying.  After all, I won't be around to reap the benefits.    

If I Were a Boy...

If I woke up tomorrow morning only to find that by some catastrophic nuclear disaster or something I was a man instead of a woman, what would I do?  Don't tell me you've never wondered what it would be like to be the opposite sex.  Everybody has.  And I know this not because I've talked to everybody, but because I feel that way so it stands to reason that everyone else thinks like me (don't mess with my logic).  Since I'm in the mood to make lists of things I shall put my response to this question in list format.

If I woke up as a man I would....

1.  Pee Standing Up - That should've been obvious.  Not only because women wish they could do it, but because I always have to go to the bathroom first thing in the morning anyway.

2.  Lift Something Heavy - I'd make sure to pick something I normally struggle with as a woman and see what a difference it makes being a man.  I might even try a pull-up or two.  I'd just have to be careful not to get carried away picking up heavy things or I'd give myself a hernia within the first 20 minutes of being a man.

3.  Punch Someone in the Face - I would start a fight just to punch a guy.  I'd pick a guy smaller than me of course.  This is assuming that I'm transformed into a normal sized guy and not just like I am now but with a penis.  If I looked like I do now as I man I should definitely stay inside or I'd be the guy getting punched in the face.

4.  Drive Somewhere - I'm ordinarily a bad driver but I'm betting that my new-found penis will lead the way. 

5.  Get My Car Repaired - ...or pretty much any work done that requires a mechanic or carpenter or handyman.  I'd be sure to get a better price and finally see what it's like to not get talked down to.

6.  Try to Fix Something Myself - I just need to know if mechanical knowledge comes with the penis or if I have to upgrade for that.

7.  Spend Time With My Dog - Will he become my best friend or just remain a loyal pet?  

8.  See How Much Alcohol I Can Drink - Ordinarily I'm done after two glasses of wine.  Can I really drink an entire six pack by myself?  I could try this at pretty much any bar and not worry about some creep taking advantage of drunk me.  Well, that isn't entirely true.  I'd have to pay attention to the neighborhood before attempting this.

9.  Grow A Beard - It'll take some time, but I think it'll be worth it.  I'd try out a goatee first and move on to a full beard from there.  It would be great if I had chest hair too.  I'd save on coats as I'd already have natural insulation. 

10.  Masturbate! - You knew that was coming (pun intended).  How could you not do this under the circumstances?  I wouldn't go so far as to have sex though.  It would just be too weird.  Masturbation is a different story however. 


So, what would you do if you woke up tomorrow as a member of the opposite sex?

What Makes You Laugh?

If there's one thing that everyone loves to do it's laugh.  Have you ever met anyone that doesn't like laughing?  If you do, you should probably run away because they definitely aren't the sort you want to be seen with.  Although laughing is something we can all agree on, what makes us laugh is different for everybody.  Here are a few things that make me laugh.


1. Tosh.O - If you haven't seen this show on Comedy Central, you haven't fully appreciated internet video.  Ever wonder if a bear shits in the woods?  Tosh knows the answer to that one.  He also gives those stupid people who make an ass of themselves on YouTube, a chance to redeem themselves. 

2. When celebrities take themselves too seriously - Lindsay Lohan somehow believes she has single-name recognition.  Obviously she has an inflated sense of self-worth.  Somebody needs to take her down a notch.  Seeing her get so upset over her own made-up parody of herself is hilarious.

3.  Confused People - Seeing someone so confused that they really don't know what to say or do is one of the most entertaining things ever.  Why else do you think people purposely try to give over-elaborate directions to a place just up the road?  Try answering a question with a statement so ridiculous that it can't be immediately understood by the human brain.  You can almost see the gears turning in their head.  It's only funny up to a point though - after that it just gets sad.

4. People who think they have a sense of style - Spending a lot of money on your look doesn't mean you automatically look good.  Also, just because Lady Gaga looks good in something doesn't mean you should try it.  As a matter of fact, no one can wear what she wears - not even her.

5.  A slap to the face - "What did the five fingers say to the face? Slap!" Classic.  It is funnier if a guy is doing the slapping.  That turns a genuine argument into silliness the moment that happens.  The more random the slap, the better.

6.  Random nudity - The human body can be beautiful but if you aren't expecting it, that's when it becomes interesting.  A guy walks out of his apartment with no pants on - as long as there aren't children around, it's hilarious.  Bonus points if he is old or ugly.

7.  Stuttering - I know that it isn't right to make fun of people with genuine disabilities, but someone that stutters is hard NOT to laugh at.  Unless of course the stutterer just happens to be the customer service rep that you got stuck with. 

8.  A trailer with an Escalade parked out front - Or pretty much any display of disproportionate wealth.  A guy who owns a 52" plasma screen TV but uses old milk crates as a bookshelf really needs to reassess his priorities.

9.  Augusten Burroughs - Despite the messed up things that happened to him he still manages to write autobiographies that'll make you laugh.  Running with Scissors is his best work in my opinion.  If you haven't read any of his stuff, you should check it out.


10. Laughter - Laughter is contagious.  I have no doubt about that.  As sure as I'll vomit if I see someone else do it, I'll laugh if someone else is laughing.  I don't even have to know what they're laughing about.  I'll laugh anyway.

What do you think is funny?

Women Can Remember Things Better Than Men

Today a conversation occurred between my husband and I that happens all too frequently. 

Me: You bought cheez-its at the store today?
Husband: Yeah.
Me: You told me you didn't like cheez-its.  
Husband: When did I say that?
Me: When I bought the last box of cheez-its that are still in the cabinet.  I brought them home and you said you don't really like cheez-its so I've been the only one eating them.
Husband: Oh yeah, I guess I did say that.

WTF?  This happens all the time.  He will forget not only what he said, but apparently forgets what he likes and doesn't like.  Just this week he also told me he doesn't really care for soda, so I didn't buy any more at the grocery store.  The few cans that were left would be enough for me.  I've seen my husband drinking soda every day this week.  Now we are almost out and he didn't pick any more up at the store because he doesn't drink soda.

Do guys really have horrible memories or what?  I did some research and found a website here that discusses this.  Women apparently do have better memories when it comes to episodic memory.  Women can remember things related to vocabulary, faces, smells - that sort of thing.  So when a wife accuses her husband of forgetting things like their anniversary or what she told him, then the wife is probably right.  It can be particularly frustrating for women however, as it seems to not bother men to forget these things.  Whenever I confront my husband with discrepancies he just shrugs it off.

To be fair, there are things that men are better at remembering but these things seem to be along the lines of remembering how to take a piece of equipment apart or remembering directions.  I'm sure men are just as annoyed when women have to follow mapquest or GPS directions in order to get somewhere.  But, I'll take remembering words over remembering directions any day.  I guess this would make women better as witnesses in court cases and also experts at holding grudges.  If I can remember a hateful comment from ten years ago, I'm not likely to forgive you for it.  Ah, the downside to having an excellent memory.     

The Wheels on the Bus

I rode the school bus from the time I was in Kindergarten until the end of my tenth grade year when I got my first car.  No, I wasn’t continuously on the bus those eleven years and if you thought that then you are obviously too literal.  I had the misfortune of being one of the first stops on the bus route in the morning and one of the last to be dropped off in the afternoon.  And, as I lived in a rural area, I was on the bus for about an hour and a half every day.  I lived only 15 minutes drive from the school.  You can tell my family cared enough about me to transport me to and from school. 

Anyway, that school bus ride every day wasn’t so bad.  Mostly I passed the time reading.  The social interactions one observes on the school bus are fascinating.  I remember a few snippets of the school bus scene.

I was in third grade and a high school girl offered to put makeup on me.  She drew a rainbow on my cheek with eye shadow.   All the other girls in third grade were jealous when I got to school.  The high schooler wasn’t even popular, but she was practically an adult to us, so it didn’t matter.

In fourth grade I had birthday money that I brought to school with me.  I didn’t spend much of it at snack time that day so I brought the rest back home with me in the pocket of my Members Only jacket.  I lay down on a seat on the school bus when about half of the kids had gotten off already.  I dozed off for a while and when I woke up I realized my money was gone.  I thought it must have dropped on the floor of the bus.  I heard high school boys in the back of the bus whispering and cutting up.  I just knew they had taken it.  A few years later, one of those boys would be responsible for breaking into our house while we were away.  That guy has robbed me twice.

When I was in middle school a new kid in elementary school sat beside me on the bus for most of the year.  We had been given assigned seats that year.  I wore a fanny pack most of the time (hey, it was acceptable then).  I pulled my walkman out of my fanny pack to listen to it.  The girl wanted to borrow it.  I let her borrow a tape.  I never got the tape back.  She said her brother took it.  You can’t trust a kid with your mixed tape.

I was in ninth grade.  We pulled up to the house of one of my fellow classmates.  His house was on fire.  He yelled out “Oh no, my underwear!”.  The bus driver called it in and drove the kid to his grandparent’s house.  I was afraid for a while after that of pulling up to my house one day only to find it on fire.

How much stuff goes on in a school bus that teachers and parents don’t know about?  Probably a lot.  I think I’d rather drive my kids to school.  Then they won’t get their birthday money stolen or see a friend’s house on fire.       

Children are Better Than Adults

I know, I know it's ironic that my previous post was about how people procreate too much and this post is about how awesome kids are.  It's my prerogative.
Kids can be simultaneously some of the most entertaining, inspiring, cruel, and heartless people on the planet.  There are candy sweet stories of children saving puppies and feeding the homeless.  There are horrifying stories of children killing children and abusing their siblings.  I suppose children exemplify the extremes of humanity even better than most adults.  They lack experience and logic to temper their thoughts and decisions.  Those same characteristics that make them adorable also make them terrifying.  Just take these situations for example:

1. Seven year old child heroically dials 911 while armed gunmen are still in the house holding his parents at gunpoint.   
Watch the video

2. Two brothers age 10 and 12 attack two other children and leave them for dead in the UK.
Read the story

3. Eleven year old Mackenzie becomes paralyzed following an injury in a soccer game but maintains a positive attitude and regains the use of her legs.
Watch the video

4. Seven year old guilty of grand theft auto claims he just wants to "do hood rat stuff with my friends".
View the article

The list could go on and on.  Kids pretty much just do whatever makes them feel good.  If they want to go somewhere and their parents won't let them, they steal their grandma's SUV.  But this self-serving behavior doesn't account for the acts of altruism you see many children carry out.  What makes kids want to help others?  It can be argued that there is a certain amount of self-gratification to that too.  If it makes you feel good to make other people happy then why not do what it takes to make people happy?

Adults often get too caught up in the what ifs.  What if I don't get anything in return for my efforts? What if the person I'm trying to help takes advantage of me?  While these are all healthy questions to ask there are times when a childlike optimism and sympathy is called for.  Adversely it is this same trait of instant gratification desire that causes children not to consider the consequences of their actions.  Come to think of it, there are adults that act that way too, but by that point it isn't cute anymore.  It's just sad.

The Office

Stop procreating!

Babies are everywhere!  Or is it just me?  Maybe my biological clock is ticking but it seems everywhere I look there are babies or children or pregnant ladies.  Where are all these children coming from?  We continue to procreate as if the world has inexhaustible resources.  Will we reach a time when there is no longer room on this planet for all these people?  How will we handle this?  You can't exactly tell people they can no longer have kids.  I realize I'm asking a bunch of questions with no answers.  So I'd better start formulating some answers.  In my theoretical future where we have no more room for people, here are some things that are likely to happen:

-- Mandatory birth control pills for women AND men.  A couple can only have one child (multiple births for one pregnancy is ok), so once they've had that one kid they're back on the pill.  Unmarried men and women can have a child, but the same rule applies to them - only one child.

-- Selection of satisfactory parents by the government.  If you don't meet the standard then you ain't procreating (use of the word "ain't" will be acceptable in the future).

-- Must I even mention abortion?  I think I'll stay out of this hornet's nest.  Let's just say that we will really be in rough shape if forced abortions start happening.

-- Wait until after the child is born then determine if he will positively contribute to society.  Let's give 'em til the age of 12.  If they aren't contributing by then - they don't have to die but they can't stay on Earth.

-- Most likely however our human tendency towards conquering places and things will lead us to annex other planets and/or asteroids.  We will continue to procreate as normal, but we will have to start leaving the Earth when it gets too crowded.

-- We may never get to that point and instead we will kill ourselves off, in part or the whole, either through war or destroying the environment.

All this sounds great huh?  No.  It sucks.  The only future I can see that is the least bit pleasant would be one modeled after Star Trek. That falls under the annexing new territory bit, but Star Trek makes it look not so Imperialistic.  It's a lot better too when you find other planets that already support life rather than having to terraform it.  That Genesis thing didn't look easy to build.

Even taking all this into consideration humanity isn't going to stop procreating any time soon.  All of us want to contribute a little bit of ourselves to the world.  I know that someday I'll end up having a kid.  It's human nature that compels us to do it after all. 

Scientology means what?

The Today Show interviewed a Scientology defector this morning (per the video above).  And that really got me interested in researching this often criticized religion.  Ordinarily making fun of someone's religious beliefs, no matter how unusual they may be, is not something I condone.  I do have a problem though, with a religion that is based on the words of a science fiction writer and that judges a person's status in the religion by how much money they contribute to the church.  Far be it from me to short-change a religion based upon ignorance and hearsay, so I figured I'd do a little research.

There is quite a lot of information out there for those that wish to learn more about Scientology, but very little information about what actually goes on in this secret society.  For example:
-- Why does their leadership mimic that of naval officers?  The only answer I can see is that L. Ron Hubbard's daddy was in the Navy and he thought that was cool, so his made up religion involves ships and psuedo-seamen. 
-- Why are there secret teachings that no one but the elite Sea Org and Operating Thetan (OT) levels can know about?  Apparently finding out this secret information too far in advance "may be harmful to unprepared readers".  The highest OT levels receive their secret information on at sea lest Uncle Sam, Big Brother, or Enquiring Minds ease-drop on their discussions of the "space opera" chronicles.
-- Why do they base their membership on money?  If they were truly an enlightened religion, wouldn't they accept the hungry, the poor, the needy?  Granted their website is really big on promoting their humanitarian programs, but doesn't every religion espouse the belief that caring for your fellow man (or woman) is important?

If a religion basis itself of the precept that knowledge and self-enlightenment is the way to happiness, then why not share that knowledge with everybody?  Because this secret knowledge probably includes additional sci-fi writing about Xenu and how our souls came down in airplanes to a volcano where a hydrogen bomb was detonated releasing our "thetans" (souls) which took on physical form and have forgotten their ways.  That previous statement is part of their belief system and is not something I just made up.  They were probably hoping to hold on to that bit of info as hearing it would be "harmful" in that it would cause the person to laugh and not take the religion seriously.

There are some good philosophic beliefs that Scientology professes, but those beliefs would best be expressed through a variety of Eastern religions or a mixture of several religions.  There's no need to include the science fiction-esque beliefs of L. Ron Hubbard into a religious format.  This has all the ear-markings of a cult.
- They're secretive
- You have to pay to get in
- You can't just up and leave without going through a lengthy process
- If you leave the religion you will effectively be cut-off from your friends and family
- Those that speak out against the religion are called "suppressive persons"
- Those that communicate with suppressive persons are called "Potential Trouble Sources"
- If you do anything they consider against their moral code you will be "rehabilitated" 

Now I'm just waiting for the J.R.R. Tolkien religion to get underway.  I'm sure we can find a lot of people willing to pay to discover the mysteries of the Silmarillion.  I'll be the first to apply to become a member of the elite order of the Ringbearers.

     

You Take The Good, You Take The Bad....

...You take them both and there you have The Facts Of Life...
What an awesome show.  Thank God they didn't really spend a lot of time explaining the facts of life to us or that would've been a really awkward nine years.  And how would they have explained Jo?  Jo likes girls, but she is a girl...don't think on that too hard kids.

I've realized that many kids out there didn't get the 'facts of life' talk quite the same way I did.  Ok, I didn't actually get the facts of life talk at all.  If I did, I must have somehow blocked it from memory.  I do remember asking my mother about sex and being told that she would explain that to me when I was 15.  Really?  You were going to wait until I was 15?  Needless to say I found out about it on my own, and I never got that talk.  Thankfully I didn't fall into the realm of the average kid who has sex at 15 years old, or I would've been really confused.

After listening to others talk about their experiences I've realized that parents just have no clue when it comes to explaining stuff like this.  They either tell their kid way too much too soon, or they wait way too long.  When you explain to an elementary school kid all about sex and I mean ALL about it, don't expect things to turn out okay.  How will you explain your actions to the parents of the other third graders when your kid tries to show them how to masturbate or explain to them how babies are made?  Then you have the opposite end of the spectrum.  Take my husband's father for instance, who decided to explain all about wet dreams at the breakfast table one morning.  My husband was 21 at the time and his younger brother was 19....I think you are a little late on that one pops.  If they don't have it figured out by then, then they probably never will.

I understand why parents shy away at explaining this issue.  It's an uncomfortable topic to discuss with your kids, but it's kind of mandatory to go over it.  You don't want a 12 year old explaining to another 12 year old what sex is.  You want to be the first to get your ideas in their brain, but don't overload them with details.  Instill whatever religious or moral values you have into your children, but let them know it's okay to come talk to you about sex.  And don't assume that just because you waited until you were 18 to have sex that they will do the same.  Avoiding the issue isn't going to make them hold on to their virginity any longer.

What will I tell my kids?  Hopefully I won't try to rely on videos or books to cover the issue for me.  I don't intend to shelter them either.  No matter what I do, I won't be able to change my kid's personality.  If they are going to be interested in sex at an early age, I'm not going to be able to suppress that.  The most I can do is educate them, teach them values, and hope they are intelligent enough to do the right thing.  I'm not gonna lie though, they'll be forced to watch The Facts of Life at some point.

Tag I'm it....

So after posting the remainder of my Hunchback of Zagreb true story, I checked my dashboard only to find a new post by Christina In Wonderland picking me as a puppet in her diabolical puppet show of freaks.  Ok, it isn't anything like that, but I must do her bidding.  Apparently I'm supposed to open up my first photo album and pick the 10th picture.  Here's what I got:

 My uncomfortable looking self is on the far right with the coolest shades.  This was a picture taken in Iraq in late 2008 with the rest of my team members.  I got this from someone else's FB photo originally anyways, so I figure it's ok to re-post here.  Looking at this pic brings back memories, but I'm sure glad that I'm out of the military now.

Hunchback of Zagreb Part 2

So, after meeting this nice but horridly ugly friend of mine, we travel to his apartment? Condo?  Not sure how to describe it as it seems like a place his family has lived for a while, it is in the middle of the city, and isn't like any place I've ever lived.  It, like most of the buildings in Zagreb, was several hundred years old.  There were three families that shared one communal bathroom, which was a common thing apparently.  It took a lot for my American sensibilities to get used to. 

I was impressed by the city and its history.  Coming from a country with a much shorter history and a city that only dates back to about 200 years ago, Zagreb seemed ancient in comparison.  Nowhere in America are you going to find a medieval castle after all.  Their public transportation was a lot like the cable cars of San Francisco, and even though you were supposed to pay to ride it, I found that most people chanced it and just got on without a ticket.  They would only check the passengers every so often so to most people, it wasn't worth it to buy a ticket.  Seems like a horrible way to run a public transportation system. 


I also found out about a culture that I'd had little knowledge of before by Croatian visit - Gypsies.  They are considered the outcasts of society in Zagreb, as they are in most parts of the world.  I felt sorry for them at first, then found out why they got such a bad wrap.  Gypsy children about five years old with their hair shaved into mo-hawks would stand on the street corners and sing, dance, or play an instrument.  These kids were by themselves with no supervision and they often were more of an annoyance than anything.  They were known to vandalize property, pickpocket, and steal.  I was warned to look out for them early on.  I think it's only fair to point out though that all my information came from the biased point of view of the Croatians in the area, and I really have no idea how the gypsies lived or what their culture was really like.

One thing that stunned me about Croatian was the rate of unemployment.  Most young people didn't work, or go to school, or really do anything.  I had to wonder where all their money was coming from.  Their parents? A trust fund?  For my Croatian friend he got money from his father, who seemed to support the entire family.  It seemed that the reason there were so many unemployed people was that they were all looking for a job in their field, not just a job to support the family.  Apparently one person working per family was enough.  When I asked why they didn't just get a job in order to earn money while they wait for the "right" job to come along, they just looked at me like I had suggested they sell body parts for money.  I knew that not every culture had the same values and sense of duty Americans did, but this was incomprehensible to me.  It wasn't as if they were roughing it either.  I don't know where the money to purchase food, clothes, and the multitude of action figures and posters I saw in his place came from, but somebody was footing the bill for it. 

My experience with Croatian food was not as bad as one would expect.  Most of their cuisine was made up of meat, bread, and spices in one variation or another.  I didn't see many fresh vegetables.  The food was pretty good, but it seemed to me that it would get old eating the same type of thing day after day.  Their take on western food was not appetizing.  Pizza consisted of a flat crust with what appeared to be a teaspoon of sauce spread over it and thinly sliced deli meat on top.  Gross.  McDonald's was, as you can probably guess, not our version of the food.  It tasted different - not worse, not better, just different.  But comparatively, it was hella expensive.  And you had to pay for condiments separately.  Can you imagine if they tried that here in the states?  Charging people for their ketchup packets would not go over well.  No wonder they stick to spiced meat wrapped in bread most of the time.

My movie viewing experience was also very different from what it is here in the States.  There's no stadium seating like we use in American movie theaters, so it makes it more difficult to see.  You buy your ticket and received an assigned seat; you can't just sit wherever you want.  And the movies are shown in their native language with Croatian subtitles.  I chose to see an American film, naturally, so that I could understand what was going on.  I can't for the life of me remember what film I saw though.  I was probably too interested in what was going on around me to pay attention.

Unfortunately I no longer have pictures of my visit.  I have no idea where they went.  That sucks because I'd love to have them now to help me remember things...as long as none of the pictures had the crypt keeper guy I was with in them. I don't know if I'll ever want to go back there though.  It was a fun experience and really eye-opening for a young, naive college student but I can't see it having much in the way of tourist appeal.  After that visit though my communication with crypt-keeper guy waned.  It wasn't just because of his looks though.  I couldn't get over the fact that he didn't have a job, nor any intention of getting one anytime soon.  He wanted to visit the U.S., but would never have the money to if he didn't get a job.  His country seemed so poor, but no one seemed to want to work.  The cultural difference was just too great for me.  They obviously valued different things in life, and I just couldn't get over that.  I think I've grown a lot since then and I hope that, if faced with someone so different again, I'll be a more understanding.

Hunchback of Zagreb

I once flew to Zagreb to hang out with my hunchback, seven-foot tall, internet friend for a week.  Nope, this isn't a fictional story.  I actually did this.  You know how an incident can seem horrifying when you're going through it, but in retrospect it can seem quite funny?  This wasn't was of those times.  I knew as I was doing it that it was hilarious and absurd, which is probably the reason I went through with it.  It would be a prime story for later on down the road. 

For those of you that don't know where Zagreb is, it is the capital city of Croatia.  For those of you that don't know where Croatia is, it was once a part of the former Yugoslavia.  For those of you who don't know where that is - seriously, it's better to just Google it.  How did I come to know someone in Croatia?  Honestly I don't really remember.  For a while I was really into online pen-pals, so it might have been through a pen-pal site...I'm not sure.  But, I had been talking to this guy for years online (as a friend...I was married to my first husband at this time), and we had some pretty deep conversations and some other conversations about Star Trek and dork stuff.  Essentially we got along as friends because of a common geek-bond.  After I got divorced I wanted to do something I hadn't been able to do while married.  I guess to prove that I could get by all by myself.  I was in my early 20s but I wasn't big on partying or bars or anything, so I decided to travel. 

Why did I choose Croatia? The answer was simple.  All I had to pay for was the round trip ticket.  My Croatian friend said he had an extra room I could stay in, so I wouldn't have to worry about a hotel or anything.  He would show me around Zagreb, so I wouldn't have to worry about being alone or lost in a strange city.  At this point you are all probably thinking that this was an extremely bad idea.  A single young female going to a foreign country to visit someone she only knew via the internet.  You're right.  It was a bad idea, but I saw it as an adventure and jumped at the opportunity.  I wasn't really worried about the Croatian dude taking advantage of me because after all, I had been talking to him regularly for three years and I felt I knew him.  To save you any worries at reading this story further - he behaved himself and was as uncomfortable around me as any geek-dude would be.


To say that I had ruled out a little international romance would be a lie.  I had decided to meet him in person to determine if he might be boyfriend material at some point.  He had sent me a picture, but it wasn't clear (that wasn't a warning sign for me?  Boy was I naive).  And, he had told me how tall he was...seven freaking feet.  But you don't really realize how freakishly tall that is until you see someone in person.  I remember my first thought when I was in the baggage claim area of the Zagreb airport and saw him waiting for me.  I thought, "oh shit, can I possibly schedule a flight back right now without him noticing me?". 


He wasn't just tall, he was freakishly tall.  He was also a hunchback and ugly as sin.  I ruled out the boyfriend idea then and there.  There are no words to describe how ugly he was.  A sound would be more appropriate - the sound of someone vomiting violently.  Let me try to describe him anyway.  He had thick glasses, but even behind those I could tell that his eyes were not level with one another and not the same size.  He had a huge nose that looked like it had been broken at some point, but it probably hadn't been.  He had a receding hairline, but attempted to make up for it by growing his hair really long in the back.  This hair was also thinning and looked like the hair one might find on the crypt-keeper, if that helps you visualize it any better.  He had a very long face and bad teeth, and you can't even say that he had a good complexion...because he didn't.  Also, as I have mentioned already, he was a hunchback.  I suppose you don't get to be seven feet tall without having to look down on people all the time, but again, this was something I hadn't thought out beforehand.  He brought a friend with him who was actually cute - and by cute I mean normal looking.  Why couldn't that be the guy I was coming to visit? 

I know internet readers have short attention spans so I'll keep it short and post the narrative of the rest of my trip later.
To be continued.....

Aside from the blue eyes and no nose, this is what awaited me at the airport.

Autobiography: Science and Abandoned Houses

When I was a kid I liked to explore (heck, I still do).  That was before the time of the internet and when computers were prohibitively expensive, so I couldn't indulge my curiosity online.  Whenever my mom would take me to the library, I would check out a bunch of books about space, history, botany or whatever I was into at that point in time.  Then, like now, I would become obsessed with a subject and learn and experiment with my new-found hobby until I had beaten it into the ground like the proverbial dead horse.  Almost all of these projects of mine were solo endeavors.  It wasn't as if I was lonely, because even then I realized that most people aren't as interesting to me as I am.


Lucky for this headstrong explorer, we lived in the country.  When I say country, I don't mean the suburbs.  I mean one-stoplight-in-the-entire-county kind of country.  This was in an area and before a time where you had to watch your children like hawks to make sure they wouldn't get snatched up by a traveling pedophile.  So, I was allowed a great deal of freedom to play outside in the yard, in the woods out back, in the road, in the neighboring fields...you name it.  I took full advantage of this to start my budding career as a scientist.  This behavior was likely exacerbated by the fact that I was a huge Star Trek fan even then, and was determined to earn a spot on the Enterprise via my Spock-like scientific mind.  So, I proceeded to collect, press, categorize, and archive various plant specimens in the greater Heard County area.  I had no method to my madness and in reality had no idea what I was doing, but it was fun.  I also liked to take my notebook around and write down observations of the area as if I was Lewis or Clark documenting the strange wildlife of the New World.

As I got a little older I sort of got away from the scientific part and gravitated towards an interest in History.  We had a couple of abandoned houses in the area which I hesitantly began exploring.  I don't know what I was looking for.  I guess I just wanted to get an idea of how people used to live 40 years ago when those houses were inhabited.  And, let's be honest, I wouldn't have been averse to finding a human skeleton under the floorboards.  I investigated these areas piecemeal.  I was so scared of falling through the floorboards or being bitten by some unseen rattlesnake that I went about my work slowly.  Every now and then I found some pretty interesting stuff; costume jewelry in a tin can, rusty tools left out back, old pieces of furniture rotting in place.  When I was in high school I'd invite a couple friends to come exploring with me, but none seemed to have the interest in it that I did.  By that time I was no longer pursuing the Star Trek dream, but thought maybe I could be a female Indiana Jones.

I realize that I haven't changed very much from those days.  I just had 6 years of the military that sort of restricted what I was able to do.  There were moments, like my year at DLI, where I was able to indulge my whims.  It used to upset me that I would move from one hobby to another and usually go back and revisit previous hobbies from time to time as well.  Now I've gotten over it and accepted it as part of my personality.  I learn better this way I think, and I can't imagine a world in which I stop learning.    

Air Traffic Control is Child's Play

Maybe I'm just not taking this seriously enough, but the idea of a child directing air traffic control doesn't seem to freak me out as much as it does everyone else.  On February 17 at JFK airport in New York an air traffic controller brought his child to work with him.  There was no school that day because of the snow, and for whatever reason this controller ended up bringing his kid with him.  He then proceeded to let his child (voice sounds like a son, but at that age you can't really tell) direct traffic.  You can hear the child's voice on five recorded transmissions directing the pilots "JetBlue 171 contact departure", and the like. 

The kid sounds like he knows his stuff.  Furthermore the pilots didn't seem upset about it and just responded as if he was any normal air traffic controller. Likely the "real" air traffic controller was coaching his child on what to say, so it isn't as if the child had free run of the air traffic.  Also, the interaction between child-controller and pilots only lasted for a few minutes, so no big deal right?

The FAA seems to think it's a really big deal.  So does the majority of the news services reporting this story.  You'd think by their reaction that the child was in the tower by himself while his dad took a smoke break, or that the kid was actually piloting a plane.  Speaking of which, haven't we seen this sort of thing before?  Having a child check out the cockpit and see how the instruments work or make an announcement to the passengers wouldn't have been cause for concern before this whole 9/11 thing brought about tighter security measures.  I'm sure plenty of parents have done this exact sort of thing with their children.  Having a CEO's child sit at his father's desk and pretend to be a businessman doesn't mean the kid is actually running the company (incidentally the CEOs themselves often sit there pretending to be businessmen).  But yes, I know there are limits.  You wouldn't let your child go fight fires with you if you were a firefighter, even though you might give them a tour of the station, slide down the fire-pole, and sit in the firetruck.

I guess I just don't see why this has become such a big news story.  It's in the newspapers, online news, and on television.  Really?  The main fuss over all this seems to be that controlling air traffic requires a lot of concentration and attention to detail, which you can't do if your child is in the tower with you.  I think the biggest question shouldn't be "Why was that child allowed to direct the traffic", but "Why was the child allowed in the traffic control tower in the first place"?  Regardless, that should be an internal investigation to determine if the actions of the air traffic controllers in the tower produced an increased risk to the planes, and not a media fiasco.  Have we really become so uptight as a nation that we freak out over something like this?  Some people should take themselves a little less seriously. 

Coffee Party movement! I love coffee!

As a response to the ultra-conservative Tea Party Movement, there is now an increasingly popular Coffee Party movement.  I can totally identify with that as I: 1) consider myself liberal in my political views and 2) I love coffee.  The movement began with a simple Facebook rant by the movement's founder Annabel Park, who didn't intend to start a movement but once something like that sprouts wings, you just gotta let it fly.  This conjures up images of covert meetings in the corner of a Starbucks, which I would totally love to get invited to.  The movement now has a Facebook fan page: http://www.facebook.com/coffeeparty as well as its own site http://coffeepartyusa.com/
 

                                                                        Smell the liberty


The idea of a Coffee Movement was probably inevitable.  You have roughly half of the U.S. that considers themselves some degree of conservative and roughly half on the opposite end of the spectrum that considers themselves a liberal to some degree.  There are, of course those who can't make up their minds or are apathetic to the whole thing, but let's pretend they don't exist for now.  Naturally, when you have a movement like the Tea Party Movement operating under false historic pretenses, you are going to anger some people.  I find the Coffee Party idea more attractive because it is geared more towards progressiveness.  It probably also has something to do with the fact that the Tea Party movement decided it would be a good idea to "tea bag" Washington.  That is just, well, gay.

                                                                        Tea bags = gay
                                                            
Will this really do any good?  Maybe or maybe not.  I doubt we will see our Democratic and Republican bipartisan government reinvented as a Tea Party versus Coffee Party government, but it makes Americans take notice.  To me, that is the most important thing here.  Use whatever catchy title you need to, but encourage Americans to do their homework, get interested, and change what they don't like.

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