Having a Dirty, Racist Friend Can be Awkward

  I discovered the site xtranormal that's responsible for so many of those funny videos that you see around the internet.  Here is my first attempt which took zero planning and thought to produce.  When I have the chance I plan on doing something better.

Jesus Isn't Available Right Now

     So, I had a pretty disturbing dream the other day that I'm still trying to decipher.  It wasn't one of those nighttime dreams, but was one of those midday nap dreams which always tend to be a little bit weirder.  The content of the majority of the dream really isn't relevant.  Lucky for me because I don't remember most of it anyway.  What I do remember is making some reference to Jesus in the dream and being told that Jesus is busy right now anyway.  I was then led to a shack where Jesus was sitting in a chair, staring like a zombie at the television, and being guarded by a couple of demon-like (or possibly biker-like) dudes.  It was reminiscent of the scene from Shaun of the Dead where Ed the zombie is playing video games in the shed out back.

     What in the world does this dream mean?  It could be some subconscious effort to tell me I'm losing my religion (props to REM), but then again it could just be a result of the cold medicine I took before the nap.  Not every dream has to have a hidden meaning, but how can you tell which one does and which one doesn't?  Am I supposed to write this down as some Nostradamus-type prophesy about zombie Jesus?  Should I start my own cult of Zombieism (Christianzombie, Zombianity)?  Just because zombie Jesus is glued to the television, should we join in or does it mean that our religion(s) don't mean as much to us anymore now that we have a glowing box to worship?  Did the second coming of Christ already take place but he was too freaked out by all the technology he saw and has since then been in a shack watching T.V. somewhere and no one knows? 

     People major in Philosophy in order to ponder these and other of life's biggest questions.  I say ponder because they never get around to actually answering any questions.  Makes you wonder how someone can validate majoring in Philosophy.  Makes you wonder just how difficult the doctoral theses has to be.  Just throw in a bunch of references of famous philosophers and a bunch of esoteric ideas that no one can prove or disprove and you've got yourself a PhD.  Zombie Jesus would be proud.      

Put Me In a State of Torpor

   From Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary:  Definition of TORPOR : a state of mental and motor inactivity with partial or total insensibility : extreme sluggishness or stagnation of function 

  It is cold, very cold.  Lately the temperature at night has gone down into the teens and rises only a little above the freezing point during the day.  I don't deal well with cold weather.  After all, I'm just not used to it.  I grew up in Georgia and spent most of my adult life moving around to areas known more for hot summers than cold winters.  So, this weather makes me wish I could go into a state of hibernation or at least a state of torpor until it gets a little warmer out.

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

   

  Not all animals that go into dens or burrows during colder weather enter into true hibernation.  Skunks, badgers, and raccoons enter into a state of torpor which is different from hibernation in that they can actually wake-up, move around, and eat when they need to instead of sleeping away the whole winter.  Their body temperature decreases as does their heart rate which allows them to conserve energy.  Bears, on the other hand, aren't really true hibernators at all.  Their body temperature only decreases slightly and they often wake-up and move around in their dens and may come out for food if they get really hungry.  So basically, bears are a lot like people during the winter.

   Unfortunately humans can't truly hibernate or even go into a state of torpor.  If our body temperature falls too much we suffer from hypothermia which ain't a good thing.  Prolonged hypothermia = death and not happy-sleep-hibernation time.  I know, you're probably just as disappointed as I am.  Doctors have been researching the possibility of putting people into a state of hibernation to help with various illnesses and reduce the shock of some surgeries, but they haven't been able to get past that hypothermia problem.  How nice would it be to ride out some painful or debilitating injury or illness by just sleeping it off for a few months?  Alas, that isn't going to happen anytime soon.

   As intelligent as humans (think they) are you'd think we would have this hibernation thing figured out by now.  We have been watching animals sleep for thousands of years and still don't know much about it.  I guess that's the price we have to pay for intelligence: we have to be awake during winter so we can sit 
around and complain about how cold it is outside.  

My Dog Hates Me

  I think my dog hates me, or at least is somewhat sadistic.  Sure, he looks up at me with puppy dog eyes most of the time and he is cute and whatnot, but that is likely all a ruse to gain my trust.  As evidence of his hatred for me I will present exhibit A: he responds to training while at home but once we get to the training class he acts like he doesn't know what "sit" means.  He obviously wants to make it seem that we haven't been practicing any of the commands in our free time.  But, I like to give him the benefit of the doubt and attribute his behavior to some sort of puppy ADD.

  The thing that really makes me wonder whether or not he cares for my well-being is his desire to frolic in sub-freezing temperatures.  This is a dog who, in the summer and fall, had no interest in playing outside or going for a leisurely walk.  I had to make him go on walks and he was always eager to return home.  Now that it is an ungodly temperature outside he decides to spend some time in the great outdoors.  He wants to go out more often, run around while he's out there, and is reluctant to come in.  I have a cold (and possibly the flu as I have a fever) and this dog wants to drag me outside multiple times in a day, in the cold, to play.  Well, that's just mean.  Shame on you Indy, shame on you.

I'm the Wanderer

   You thought I fell off the face of the planet didn't you?  Maybe I did, but I'm back now....sort of.  Since my last blog a lot of things have (not) happened.  I did not go back overseas, partly because the company dragged their feet getting me an offer letter to the point where I'd have only a week to prepare to go overseas and I hate being rushed.  Also, the logistics of both me and my husband going overseas and trying to figure out what to do with two pets and a house full of stuff was just frustrating.  The ultimate reason though was that I didn't want to go and that I really wanted to get a "real" job here in the states, despite not knowing what a "real" job is anymore.  The military really screwed that up for me. 

    So, the hubby went overseas and I stayed  behind trying to figure out what to do with myself.  I decided to go ahead and move to the next state on our list of places to try and settle down in - Virginia.  The idea being that when my husband returns he will get a job here.  It helps that it's symbolically and literally a middle ground for my New York husband and my Georgia self.  I like it here so far, which is more than I could say for Arizona which depressed me from the first day we moved there. 


   So, you might ask, what are you doing now?  The answer is that I really have no idea.  My ultimate goal is to teach, but first I need to get certified.  I'm studying for my PRAXIS exams now, which is the first step.  But, since It'll be a while before I can start teaching I need to find something to do in the meantime.  Aside from joining a gym, taking my dog to training classes, and practicing my best teacher impersonation, I've given consideration to writing again.  I had stopped writing altogether (as is evidenced by my absence from my own blog) because I didn't take myself seriously and really had no idea the direction I would go with my writing.  However, now that I have the time I figure why the hell not?  I know I'll be here for a while so I don't have to worry about moving and can just dig in to the writing.  Worst case scenario: I get frustrated with it and my blogs become angsty(er?).    

Back in the Saddle

I realize I've been away from blogging or writing in general for a few months.  I've moved across the country, gotten a new job, and I'm already quitting and moving on to something else.  I'm still in training with the current job, if you can believe that.  Two and a half months in and I'm still in this God-awful training that serves no purpose.  I had gotten word that I would be laid off in September so I applied to other positions.  Although going back overseas wasn't my first choice, I turned to it because of the money offered and because, quite frankly, life is a lot simpler over there.  So, I have three weeks to get my affairs in order before I go back to Iraq, as a civilian this time. 


I'm one of these people that needs some sort of stability and regular schedule in my life.  Probably one of the reasons I haven't been writing since I've been here is that I haven't quite figured out what I'm doing here.  You'd think training would be a piece of cake, but I constantly have the feeling that I'm serving no purpose and I'm not contributing in any way.  This feeling only got worse when I knew I was losing my job.  What's the point of going through over two months of training to put in only a month and a half of work?  Now that I've  figured out what I'm doing next and I know what my next job consists of (only a week or two of training for that!), I feel much better.  I need to stop stressing over little things so much.

Oh My Blog Award Drunk Post

So the Rock 'n' Roll gourmet bestowed upon me the Oh My Blog award on Friday and I've just gotten around to writing my post. I know, I'm horrible.  When accepting this award you must do one of the following:

1. Take a photo of yourself first thing in the morning (no brushing of the hair, putting on proper clothes, etc)
2. Blog while exceedingly drunk for 15 minutes
3. Write about your most embarrassing moment
4. Make a vlog a.k.a. a video blog
5. Share the soundtrack of your childhood

You know I'm picking number two...


So, you must forgive me if this post is about nothing at all other than my drunken ramblings. And also forgive any grammatical errors and such.  I have no shame in this as I know nobody reads this anyway.

My drink of choice isn't hard liquor or beer or any of that cool stuff, but instead is a bottle of Port.  So you see the level of dorkdom I'm dealing with.  I personally see nothing wrong with getting drunk off of a dessert wine, but I'm sure most of you will so just don't knock it til you've tried it.  I don't know if I qualify as "exceedingly drunk" yet but I'm finding it hard to type so it's now or never.  It's been forever since I've gotten drunk so this was the perfect excuse.  You'd think that after being unemployed for a few months I'd at least enjoy myself.

Speaking of which, I'm going to be starting work again in about a month.  They offered me a position starting May 3rd but I want to move at the same time as my husband so we have to wait until mid May. I so need to start working again to feel like a human being.  Being unemployed sucks.  There's only so much housework, Rock Band, WOW, and doting on the pets that I can stand.  Speaking of which, my puppy is freakin cute.

It took me like forever to get that picture of him.  Partly because he was excited and partly because I'm drunk and couldn't figure out how to get the picture from my phone to my blog expeditiously. (yeah big word!!!)

I'm really not a very clever blogger when I'm drug.  All I want to talk about is what I like and what I don't like.  I like my puppy, my hubby, wine, Family Guy, and computers.  This was in no way influenced by the fact that all this was within my sight while writing this.  Okay, it is perhaps a bit biased.  Something I hate, that freaking Ford commercial they play all the time.  It's a local commercial that I tried to find, but forgot the name of the dealership already so instead I decided to post this:





Ha! Freaking hilarious and slightly annoying, but mostly hilarious.  I like a guy that can make fun of himself.  That's why I married my husband.  I would insert embarrassing photo or funny story here, but he might never forgive me.  And I don't want to piss him off yet.  I still want to have his children.  And I'm sure our bi-racial children will be exceedingly beautiful and hopefully not as retarded as either one of us. 

Okay my fifteen minutes are up and I'm sure this is fifteen minutes of your life you are sad you'll never get back.  Sorry.  Now on to watch videos that I remember being funny back when I was stoned in college.

Time Has Not Been Good to Some

 

The story and picture can be found here

It has been almost eight years since the Afghan girl's true identity was discovered, and 26 years since the original picture was taken.  I've seen the picture of the Afghan girl many times and am always struck by how great a picture it is and how beautiful the girl's eyes are.  I have also seen the picture of her much older self and am struck by how time has not been particularly good to her.  It is understandable.  She has had a rough life of refugee camps, hard work, poverty, a harsh environment, and probably has several children.  It is sad that women like this become concealed behind the veil from the time they are teenagers throughout the rest of their lives. 

This woman's picture inspired many to donate to building schools and improving the quality of life in Afghanistan.  Who knows how many other women and girls are out there with similar stories that will never be heard because of an oppressive culture?  It makes me sad for them and thankful for my culture all at the same time.  Chances are, though, that she doesn't want us to feel sorry for her because she doesn't know anything else.  Yes, she realizes she's poor and would like more money for things and a big nice house, but that's likely where her aspirations end.  Even if she was given the opportunity to move to America or England and start a new life, shed the burqa and move on, she would likely turn it down.  Very few people relish the idea of having their world turned upside down.


Pictures are amazing things that give us the opportunity to relive a moment, to experience things we've never actually seen, and to meet people we've never really met.  National Geographic pictures do this better than most, and honestly I wouldn't subscribe to the magazine if it didn't have those wonderful pictures.  Oddly enough, even when I get the chance to visit places I've seen pictures of in NG, it doesn't always look as great in real life as the picture made it seem.  I suppose we romanticize things we aren't actually experiencing.  A picture of the desert may look pretty, but once you're there and dealing with the heat, dust, sun, and wildlife it is a whole different situation.  My pictures seem to turn out the opposite.  Nothing I take a picture of is ever as awesome (or horrible) as it was when I was there experiencing it.  I guess that's the mark of a true photographer; taking an experience and making the picture so much better.  For now I guess I'll stick to letting others take the pictures.

I realize this is a disjointed post of ideas, but one idea led to another and I just went with it.

Wii Workout Routines - The Good and the Bad

I used to be a fairly fit person.  Then I got out of the Army and decided to do whatever I wanted.  Whatever I wanted included fast food and sitting around all day.  So I gained some weight.  Once I had to buy new pants I decided to start watching what I eat and work out again.  But, it was still sort of cold outside and I am inherently lazy.  My first choice was to try something I could do from home - video games.  Ok, not exactly video games, but the Wii game console has pretty much cornered the market on workout games.  I guess they have to have a niche in some market as their graphics suck and you can't even play DVDs on the Wii.

So, I bought and tried out a variety of workout games for the Wii.  Some of these games turned out to be helpful in kick-starting a workout routine while others fell miserably short.  This is by no means a comprehensive list, but if you've considered trying some of these out you may want to read this.   Also, if you've tried out some Wii fitness games that aren't mentioned here, let me know how they worked out for you.

Wii fit Plus - This is the most popular (and most expensive) of the Wii workout games.  It comes with the balance board as well which is required for most of the other programs.  Even though this program has a bunch of games that make working out fun, they aren't exactly the most challenging.  In fact they are more suitable for children and the elderly.  There are some exceptions, notably the yoga workouts and the strength training.  Even then the number of repetitions aren't enough to gain much benefit for an already (mostly) fit person.  This program focuses a lot on improving balance more than anything.  This has pretty much become my go-to for a cool down workout or something to do on my rest days.  Also it's something to do when I'm bored but don't want to just sit on the couch or stare at a computer screen.  You can set goals for weight loss (or gain) and track it daily with this program.

Wii Active Personal Trainer - This is by far the best of all the workout CDs for the Wii.  You can set the difficulty level to whatever suits you and you can add to their 30 day challenge workouts with either a custom workout or choose from one of the pre-made workouts.  The intensity is just right for me and has a good mix of cardio and strength training.  There are also sport events mixed in with the more mundane exercises which keeps things interesting.  The disk comes with a resistance band, but I ended up switching it out for one that has a stronger resistance level so that I could get more out of my workouts.  The workouts on their own are a bit short (average of 20 minutes) but it is a good start and I always add to it.  You can also keep track of any additional workouts or fitness activities you do as well as your nutrition. 

Jillian Michaels Fitness Ultimatum 2010 - The title sounds impressive and this workout ain't no joke.  I wouldn't recommend this if you are a couch potato just looking for a little something to get you going or if you are seriously overweight and looking for a low impact workout.  The reps are pretty high for each exercise and there is a lot of running mixed in with the routines.  The running set-up is better for this one than for the other CDs because you are running through a virtual island rather than on a track or just watching someone run in place.  Every time I do one of these workout routines I feel like I've truly gotten a workout.  The tone of this disc is more serious and there aren't any "fun" exercises or routines to choose from.

My Fitness Coach 2 - This is pretty much useless.  The workout routines aren't very long or very difficult (even at the highest difficulty level I could set it to) and you have to be very precise in your movements for it to count as a good rep.  Even the running has to be in time with your "coach" and all you get to look at is the coach running in place.  Boring.  The graphics are bad even for the Wii.  It boasts providing nutritional information as well, but that is also useless.  When meal plans include things like mushrooms or sardines on toast for breakfast I think I'll pass.

Essentially none of these workout CDs can stand alone, but a couple of them are a good start.  I make a point of getting up in the morning and starting the Wii Active which doesn't take very long, and after that I add to my workout, emphasizing whatever muscle groups I'm focusing on that day.  I may also add a workout DVD into the mix for some cardio or yoga.  But the Wii is great for getting off the couch and doing something, setting goals for yourself, and having a set routine without paying a personal trainer or paying gym fees.    

Confederate History Month?

Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell issued a proclamation stating that April would  be Confederate History Month.  This in and of itself would have been controversial but it was made even more controversial by the omission of slavery in the initial proclamation.  The proclamation has since been revised and is on the Governor's website.  McDonnell initially omitted slavery because he "focused on the ones [reasons] I thought were most significant for Virginia".  He had to have known he was stirring up a hornet's nest.  

The two previous Democratic Governors did not recognize Confederate History Month because they viewed it as a polarizing event that would only serve to divide Virginia along racial lines and would not contribute to the state's progress.  The current Republican Governor decided to bring back the observance.  As a result, this controversy has not only stirred up racial disputes but also political ones as well, i.e. equating Republicans with racists, etc.  

I think this whole situation is good for us.  Why?  It gets us talking about this issue.  The Civil War happened long ago, but that doesn't mean we should forget about it.  We shouldn't demonize the South for their role either.  Most Confederate Soldiers were poor men fighting for their way of life, even though their way of life is backwards and criminal by today's standards.  We should discuss the Civil War in its context and remember the bad choices that we made, and the sacrifices that were made on both sides.  We should most definitely include slavery in this discussion because omitting it is sugar-coating the war, and that is something we should never do.  

Slavery was a part of the American way of life for a hundred years. We can't run away from that fact.  That doesn't mean our ancestors were all white devils, but they surely made some very bad choices.  Personally I have both a Confederate Soldier as an ancestor and a Union Soldier as an ancestor.  I don't view one with any more disdain than I do the other just because of the location he was born in and the culture he was born into.  I believe it would be appropriate to observe a Civil War month in which we honor the Confederate Soldiers, Union Soldiers, and slaves.  I'm sure there are many who disagree with having any sort of observance of this incident, but time has a way of making us forget and forgetting the Civil War and the reasons behind it is something we shouldn't let happen.   

She Wears Short Shorts and Ends Up Dead

No I'm not talking about a street-walker, prostitute, or loose woman.  Well, at least I don't think she was any of those things.  I'm talking about an incident that occurred on Easter Sunday when a 42 year old woman shot and killed a 19 year old woman that came to her house for Easter dinner dressed in shorts that were too short.  Those must have been some provocative shorts. {insert fashion-victim joke here}

I'm all for setting young folk straight about the proper attire for semi-formal occasions, but yelling at or say shooting someone in the head in order to get your point across seems to be going a little too far.  If it was God that the 42 year old was trying to appease, I don't think he is any happier now that Daisy Duke is dead.  And if it was other relatives that the 42 year old was trying to impress, I don't think they were very impressed by the site of brain matter in the driveway.  The worst part of all this (aside from the murder) is that the young woman was in the process of leaving when the shooting occurred.  Way to shoot a person in the back.  Maybe the 42 year old was just jealous of the 19 year old's awesome gams (why we ever stopped using this slang term I'll never know, but I'm all for bringing it back).

Despite the fact that it appears as though people are losing their minds nowadays, it is more likely that this has been going on for ages and no one really noticed.  Now that we have internet and tv we can see every little retarded thing that every crazy lady, psychopath, and murderer does on a daily basis.  This overload of information is great for entertainment value but gets depressing after a while.  Not to mention the fact that it is easy to get paranoid upon hearing about all the murderers, rapists, and just outright insane people out there.  A while back I read a history book on early America that talked about the common occurrence of people, even women, traveling alone and staying in an inn in a room with strangers of various genders.  This was made possible because people weren't as paranoid and also probably because no one changed their clothes except once every couple of weeks or so.  There was probably the occasional psycho that preyed upon strangers, but they were subsequently caught and hanged or no one ever found out what had really happened to poor Aunt Mae who went on a trip by herself.  Either way, random violence didn't factor heavily into most people's thoughts back then.  Oh for the good old days.

Then again, the good old days often allowed domestic violence and incest to continue unchecked.  It was the family's problem and no concern of the community's unless it became a public issue.  Now you have everyone getting all up in your business and calling child services when you spank your kid in public.  I guess we just have to take the good with the bad.  Either way the story I cited above is a perfect example of the degradation of society on both ends of the spectrum.   

WOWtastic

As I've recently gotten back into playing WOW (World of Warcraft for all you non-players out there), I've once again been amazed at the sheer number of people who play this game.  I don't want to over-generalize and say that anyone who plays this game is a loser and has no life (after all, I play this game and like to think I have a life).  There is definitely a large majority of WOW players that fall into this category though.  I've only been playing for a few days and already I see some of the same players on here day after day no matter what time I log in.  What kind of life do these people lead? 

I don't so much have a problem with those players who have a real job and choose to play WOW in their free time after work and on the weekends, unless of course they have kids.  Spending that much time online when you have kids that need your attention is just asking for trouble.  Unless you're kid is sitting beside you playing in the same guild as you, in which case you have a whole new set of problems.  The people I really worry about are those that don't seem to have a job and are online playing WOW ALL THE TIME.  How do they survive?  Who brings them food and pays the rent?  Who pays for their computer and internet bills?  And also, how can normal players like me compete with WOW addicts like that?  The answer: we can't.  So we log out and go on with our real lives.

It's sad that there is actually a thing called WOW addiction and sites like WOW detox out there for people who want a support group.  If you are questioning whether or not you are a WOW addict you can take the WOW addict quiz but  chances are, if you asked that question then you probably are addicted.  There are numerous sites out there for those seeking advice on how to quit.  Here's my advice: cancel your subscription, remove the game from your computer, and find something else to do!  If you can't manage just playing a few hours a week or just on the weekends then you shouldn't be around a computer at all.

Then again, I shouldn't be surprised that there are people out there like this.  Numerous run-ins with them in-game show me the caliber of individuals I'm dealing with.  A few days ago, while online questing I had another player stalk me and continuously challenge me to a duel while simultaneously goading me on and cussing me out.  He continued doing this for over 30 minutes while I went about my business.  Why play online if you aren't actually going to play and instead decide to follow someone else around?  My husband got online and started messaging him when the guy asked him "umadbraw?".  WTF? Who talks like that?  This quote is now a running joke we have when we just want to sound retarded.  I'd like to think this guy was just a bored teenager but chances are he was probably a fifty-something, overweight, ugly, grown man with no social skills.  Perhaps it's better if these people just stay home and play online games.  The world may be better without them.

Beautiful Blogger Award

As my friend over at Rock 'n' Roll Gourmet has bestowed upon me the Beautiful Blogger Award, as required by the terms of the award I must now reveal seven things about myself. (Btw, her blog has some of the best recipes and cooking tips, check it out)  I'll try to make it "seven little known facts about myself", but that is pretty difficult.  Here it goes...

1.  I almost drowned when I was about three years old.  I don't remember it, but I've heard the story from my family several times.  I was visiting my grandparents and they had a man-made pond across the street from their house.  I went across the street with my grandfather so that he could feed the fish.  Apparently he wasn't very good at watching three year olds because they next thing he heard was a splash.  He turned around only to see my hair floating in the water.  He grabbed my hair and pulled me out.  Great babysitting huh?

2.  I played drums in my high school marching band.  I should warn you now that this is just the first of several nerd facts about myself.  I was in the percussion section in middle school and tried out for marching band in high school and got second chair so I played snare.  My senior year I was drum-line Captain and Band President.  Hey, I may have been a dork but at least I was good at it.

3. At my high school graduation I read "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by Green Day as a poem.  I was third in my class, so as a consolation prize for not getting an automatic scholarship I got to read a poem.  Everyone always reads something boring so I read a Green Day song instead.  It was a new song then and so not nearly as dorky a thing to do then as it sounds now. 

4.  I got married at the age of 19 to my high school sweetheart.  Boy was that a mistake.  We got divorced a year and a half later.  He went from being a smart dude to flunking out of college the first semester, getting a good paying job and then quitting because he didn't want to work a lot, and he'd go clubbing with his friends without telling me.  In retrospect I think he was probably doing drugs too but I was too naive back then to be able to tell.  Young people do silly things. 

5.  While in college I worked as a student research assistant at the Archaeology Lab.  It was fun and boring at the same time.  I got a chance to catalogue the remains of Native Americans before the remains were to be returned to the burial sites.  How many people get the chance to work with human remains that are thousands of years old?  But, most of the time my job consisted of the more mundane task of counting pottery shards (pieces of pottery), which by the time I had quit numbered in the tens of thousands of pieces.

6.  While in college I also had to get up early in time to make the doughnuts.  I worked at Dunkin Donuts and later at a bakery preparing and serving donuts.  I actually think that was a fun job, mostly because coffee and doughnuts are two very awesome things.  I probably had the most unhealthy eating habits at that time. While at work I could eat as many doughnuts and drink as much coffee as I wanted.  If I had stuck with that job I'd be as big as a house.

7.  I play WOW.  For those of you who haven't arisen to epic-dork status yet, that means World of Warcraft.  I don't profess to be any good at it, which is even worse if you ask me.  If you're going to be a geek at least do a good job of it.  I haven't played regularly enough to get the experience in yet though.  I've played off and on whenever I've had a good computer and good internet access as well as tons of free time, which you can imagine I didn't have for most of my time in the Army.  Now I've gone back to playing, thanks largely to my new and improved computer and huge monitor.  I've got a Night Elf Hunter named Yusra on the Emerald Dream server, but I'm only level 52 now...I know, I've got work to do.

I realize that most of these facts have to do with things that happened over ten years ago, but most people know about me being in the Army for the past six years, being deployed twice, etc.  Also, I pretty much just started writing things in chronological order and didn't get much further than college.

So, next I must pass on this award to five blogs that I like.  Several of the blogs I like have already received this award, so this will go to those that have yet to get it which only equals three.  Here it goes:
- Cognoramus is a great blog by an Army friend of mine.  He writes on a variety of topics but is particularly knowledgeable when it comes to the Military, financial advice, and politics.  He's an intelligent guy with a lot of insight.
- The Southern Fried Skeptic always has intelligent, insightful, and biting comments on current events, politics, and religion.  Even if you don't agree with him, it's still thought-provoking and he has a lot of valid points.
- That's News to Me! hasn't posted in a while, but when she does it's pretty cool stuff.  She's a writer/journalist type so her writing is top-notch. 

Thanks to everyone that reads my blogs.  If you have a blog that you want me to check out, just let me know.   

Bacon is My Cocaine

 

We all know that bacon is tasty, but apparently it is also addictive now.  A new study by the Scripps Research Institute shows that fatty foods have an addictive quality and say it's along the same lines as heroine and cocaine.  These fatty foods stimulate the pleasure center of the brain so someone who overindulges on a regular basis will become accustomed to the stimulation and require a greater quantity of fatty foods to get the same feeling.  In the study, rats that were allowed to indulge in fatty foods not only became obese but they also continued to gorge themselves even when shocked (Kirstie Alley has also exhibited the same behavior).  The rats on a normal diet avoided the fatty foods when they realized they would be shocked if they went near it.  No word yet on whether or not the fat rats would literally kill a guy for a piece of pie.

Essentially this study proves that there is more to overeating than just lack of willpower and a desire to become the world's largest woman.  The problem I have with this is that one only becomes addicted after overindulging.  So, at some point you make the decision whether consciously or unconsciously to eat more than you should and to continue to do so long enough to become addicted.  Someone doesn't become addicted to heroine if they haven't had heroine before or even if they only tried it once or twice.  The only exception I know of being Ozzy Osbourne who, rumor has it, was born with a spoon in his hand and immediately asked for a lighter and a live bat.  If you start shooting up regularly, you shouldn't be surprised when you become addicted.  Of course I realize that there are a multitude of reasons that people end up falling into the over-eating trap; stress, anxiety, boredom, ignorance, growing up a child star, and a slew of other factors can cause you to overindulge.  So what happens once you are addicted?  Is there no hope?

The article doesn't discuss a solution to the problem other than a brief mention of possibly using prescription drugs to counteract it, because that's what addicts need, drugs.  Don't rush off to the methadone clinic yet though.  They also mention that these studies on rats may not translate exactly the same to humans. However since humans and rats act pretty much the same it's safe to assume the results are legit.  This study would explain why so many people have trouble losing weight and keeping it off.  They can usually stay away for a while, but eventually are lured back in by the siren song of bacon (bacon = harpy).  Let's just hope this and future studies aren't used as an excuse by those who wish to overeat, but rather as a deterrent for the next generation of potential over-eaters.
And now for a little fun at the expense of childhood obesity.....









Without a doubt Sean Astin can now do the truffle shuffle as well.  Too much hobbit food.


Why am I writing so many posts about food lately?  Probably because, with more free time on my hands, I have to be more aware of how much I eat and that I don't eat out of boredom.  If writing about food keeps me from eating it then that's what I'll do.

Fat, Fatter, and Fattest: America's Fat Children

We are a generation of fat people raising another generation of fat people.  America has a 34% obesity rate, but luckily that has leveled off over the past few years.  Notice I said "leveled off" and not decreased.  Apparently we've run out of fatty foods or we've just gotten as sedentary as we can possibly get and still be alive enough to count towards the statistic.  Hell, we've even got people trying to get as fat as possible.  No wonder British chef Jamie Oliver couldn't take it any longer and traveled to America to try and teach us how to eat healthy.  His new reality show, Jame Oliver's Food Revolution shows that many Americans would just rather be fat and die early. 

Someone should have warned Jamie that West Virginia is not the best place to go for a show, unless you're doing a Depression Era series and don't have the money for wardrobe or make-up or real actors.  No surprise that Jamie met with a lot of opposition trying to change the types of food elementary school age children were eating at home and especially at school.  Parents and school administrators and cooks would rather stuff the children with fat laden pre-processed crap than entertain the idea of feeding them healthier food.  They had excuses for everything: the food had to meet certain guidelines to be served to school children, they don't have the time or the man power to serve healthier food, and they don't think elementary school children should be given forks and knives to eat with.  That last one stunned Jamie and quite frankly me too.  I remember elementary school and I'm pretty sure we had forks and knives and we weren't stabbing each other with it or anything like that.  The school cooks are surprised that elementary school kids are expected to know how to eat like a normal human being with manners and instead expect them to shovel nachos and sloppy joes into their mouths with their hands and maybe a spoon if they want to get all uppity about it.

Maybe I'm missing something here.  I would personally rather pay a little extra money and take a little extra time to prepare healthy foods rather than feed my children crap that I know will make them unhealthy shorten their lives.  The children in the elementary school Jamie visited couldn't even identify vegetables and didn't know that french fries came from a potato! Granted, this is West Virginia and probably not the best example of American children's eating habits. 

It is a shame that the quickest, simplest thing to make is unhealthy but that is changing.  Now you can buy foods that require little to no preparation that are healthy, but these are often more expensive than their unhealthy counterparts. I'll give you an example of a food that's inexpensive and requires no preparation: an apple.  You don't have to spend your evenings eating tofu burgers and brussel sprouts but at least make a conscious effort to avoid eating your daily allowance of fat in one meal.  If money and convenience is an issue, at least consider frozen and canned vegetables over a continuous parade of chicken nuggets, french fries, and pizza. 

I suppose a lot of this has to do with culture and economic status, but there has to be a point where you decide that you want your children to lead a better, healthier life than you.  Just because your parents were ignorant of nutritional content and what constitutes a healthy diet, doesn't mean you have to be ignorant too.  And if you want to eat pizza and burgers at least run or something you lazy bastard. 

Home Sweet Home, Wherever That Is

Everybody needs a comfortable, familiar place to go to at the end of the day to leave behind all the stress of work, worry, and homicide-inducing coworkers.  No matter where it's at or what type of building it's in, we call this place home.  For the  past several years, ever since I joined the Army, I don't feel that I've had a home.  Even after I got past the living in barracks thing I still lived in an apartment and not at any one place for more than a year.  I don't think I can really ever see an apartment as a home though. You share a building with other people who are often loud when you want things to be quiet, have annoying children or  pets, and the apartment  management can come in any time they like.  If you try ignoring the knock at the door you may find a worker using his own  key to get in anyway, and that just makes for an awkward moment.

So, the husband and I are planning for our next move.  It depends largely on where my husband gets a job.  We are considering several places: Washington D.C., Virginia, Augusta GA, Arizona, and Maryland.  Quite a mix of places with each having their pros and cons.  So where do I want to live?  My answer changes day to day.  Yep, I'm one of those moody types who can't seem to figure out what they want to do.  That's why I'm leaving it largely in my husband's hands now as long as he doesn't try to move to Alaska or something. 

I had been resisting the idea of moving to Arizona until today.  It just seems like the easiest option with the most jobs available.  The town we would move to is a comfortable size for me (small town but not so small there isn't a bookstore), it is warm (love warm weather), and the housing there is cheap compared to what we'd be making.  So, you might ask, why don't you want to  move there?  I'm from Georgia and hence, am a huge fan of trees and lots of them.  There is far too much non-tree atmosphere for me.  And, I know several people that work there, which isn't necessarily a good thing.

So what about my other options?  Washington D.C. has horrible crime and traffic and is just too large for my tastes.  Maryland seems better but there's still traffic and I feel that I would somehow betray my southern heritage by moving north of the Mason-Dixon.  I'm sure the ghost of General Lee comes to haunt all southerners living in the Yankee states.  Virginia would save me from rebel retribution but wouldn't be too deep south.  Augusta would be not much different from where I'm living now, and honestly getting away from Georgia might be a good thing for us.  That obligatory family thing going on - not our problem.  As long as you live far enough away from family, you don't feel obligated to deal with family drama.  A phone call will suffice.

As you can see, we've got a lot to consider.  Pretty much any place we move we'll find something we don't like about it (I know, so pessimistic).  And, this move doesn't have to be the place we live for the rest of our lives.  Still, I long for an actual  house that I can call mine and a place I can call home.  I just wish I knew where that should be.        

Health Care Reform Is Coming Our Way

Well, it's done.  The House of Representatives passed the Health Care Reform Bill by a margin of 219 to 212.  I normally like to stay away from controversial issues, but this has gotten too big to ignore.  Even though it is less than an hour since the bill was passed, there's already a slew of opponents to the bill in uproar.  People aren't playing nice either.  You've got people on the floor of the House slinging insults at one another (someone called Stupak a baby killer) and protesters hurling racial slurs at lawmakers in support of the bill.  I can't say supporters of the bill are helping much.  I don't feel comfortable with the slim majority this bill passed by. 

First thing that annoys me about all this is the plethora of ill-informed people spouting their opinions.  If you don't really know what the Health Care Bill says, why are you so fired up?  Just because Glenn Beck says something doesn't make it true.  And just because you consider yourself a liberal and Democrats are in support of the bill doesn't mean you should automatically support it either.  Don't let politicians polarize us as they have Washington.  Also, don't think you have to be staunchly for or against.  You can support passing the bill without agreeing with the whole thing and you can disapprove of passing it without condemning the whole thing.

No matter how important an issue is, there's no need to demonize the opposing position.  Supporting the Health Care Reform Bill basically means you support the government mandating national health care and health insurance for most Americans.  It doesn't mean you've acquired a forked tongue and intend to invade Poland next.  Opposing the Bill simply means you don't want the government interfering with health care and health insurance and instead you'd rather choose what coverage you get and pay for it yourself.  It doesn't mean you've decided to weed out all the poor people by letting them get sick and die. 

Regardless of your position on this bill, the effects aren't going to be noticeable right away anyway.  This bill takes effect in 2014.  A lot can happen in four years.  So why don't we all just have a drink and call it a night.

New Computer Yeah!

I haven't exactly been the most productive writer yesterday and today.  I blame it partly on the nice weather forcing me to go out instead of stay in and write.  Most of the blame though is really on me for fooling around with my new computer.  Getting everything set up and transferred and saved to this computer has preoccupied me, but so has playing games online.  I have a 24" monitor now which is a major upgrade from the small laptop screen I had been using.  When I play farmville now it's as if I'm actually on the farm. 

Anyway, with that in mind this post is just going to be a bunch of comments on things I like and not a well thought out or put together blog entry.  Hope you don't mind.

Things I like --

Mental Floss - If you haven't ever read this magazine, I encourage you to.  It's a mix of two things most people are severely lacking nowadays: humor and intelligence.  Mental Floss has a way of educating you and making you laugh at the same time.  Some of their stories are about normal things (like the recent article "10 Provocative Questions about Chickens Answered") and others are a little more bizarre ("10 Prostitutes Who Changed the World").     


Rock Band 2 - The original RB was just a kick ass idea when it first hit the market in late 2007.  Granted it took the idea from the Guitar Hero games, but playing the drums is much more bad ass.  The ability to form your own garage band without worrying about making too much noise for the neighbors is appealing to a lot of people.  Now they have a bunch of additional accessories that make playing even more realistic.  The addition of 1, 2, or 3 cymbals to your drum set simulates an electronic drum kit much better.  Now if only they'd have a set-up that includes a hi-hat pedal we'd be set.

TweetDeck - If you've got an account with more than one social networking site, you'll benefit from TweetDeck.  You can set up a column for each of your sites allowing you to track everyone's tweets and status updates on one page.  You can also submit a status update and have it post to Twitter, Facebook, Myspace (if anyone still uses that), and any other site you want simultaneously.  You can also minimize it and continue working on the internet and it'll alert you to new updates from your friends with a brief tweet and momentarily flashing the new update in the upper right hand corner of your screen.  A good program for those multi-taskers out there.   

Windows 7 - Okay, so I've just starting working with this and I can't say I've discovered all the capabilities of this program, but so far I've got to say that I'm impressed with it. I have to say that a large part of it has to deal with aesthetics.  It is sleek and pretty and easy to use.  So far, so good.

My Husband - Even though he probably won't read this, I gotta give props to my hubby.  He is the nicest man I know and he is intelligent, funny, and attractive.  He got me a computer, added stuff to it, hooked it up and stayed up until 4am doing this for me.  He also came home from work today with Dunkin Donuts.  Freakin sweet.  I love him.

The Bigger the Better

While other women are busting their butts trying to get thin, there is a woman in New Jersey trying to do just the opposite in reaching new levels of obesity.  It's been reported that Donna Simpson is trying to eat her way to a Guinness world record for being the heaviest woman alive, but a recent New York Post article quotes her as saying she doesn't have realistic expectations of reaching that goal.  Nevertheless, she's consuming enormous amounts of food in order to gain weight.

I think my favorite part of this whole article is the statement  that "Guinness denies it’s encouraging Simpson and other freaks, only chronicling what they’d be doing naturally".  I don't know if the "freaks" part is Guinness's word or the NY Post's word.  It is fun to joke about all this but really it's more sad than anything.  Donna has a daughter that's three and likely mom won't live to see her daughter graduate high school.  That doesn't seem to bother Donna at all.  She gladly consumes about 12,000 calories a day! I don't think there's a way I could eat that much in one day if I tried, much less every day. 

Donna's boyfriend seems to be encouraging this endeavor of hers.  He wouldn't be the first guy to have a fat fetish, but there has to be a limit somewhere.  On the website I referenced above there is a link to a photo of Donna with only her underwear and bra on.  She doesn't seem to mind the fact people are gawking at her enormous belly that cascades down to her thigh region and is dangerously close to reaching her knees. 

It's one thing to decide that you aren't going to buy into the whole super model thin-trend, but another thing when you purposely try to gain an unhealthy amount of weight.  She obviously has some sort of addiction or deeper issue that needs to be addressed.  I'm no psychologist so I can't speak from expertise on this, but just reading about this makes me think this woman needs help.  Those around her are only enabling her either by directly supporting her or indirectly by giving her publicity and fame from all this.  I only hope that she doesn't actually make the world record or end up encouraging others to try to meet this ridiculous goal.  

 

A Man Was Hit by a Plane and...You Guessed It....Died

A Georgia man was killed yesterday while jogging when he was struck by a plane on Hilton Head Island.  Yep, this is one helluva way to die.  Apparently the small plane was making an emergency landing and the man was listening to his iPod and didn't hear the plane.  How loud is your music if you can't hear a plane coming straight at you?  Unless this was some secret super-silent spy plane it seems unfuckingbelievable.  I'm assuming his funeral will be closed casket.  Unfortunately he had a young three year old at home who will never be able to tell the story of her father's death without people laughing at her first and then awkwardly realizing she isn't telling a joke.

If you are particularly interested Wikipedia has an entry dedicated to List of Unusual Deaths.  Unfortunately many of these deaths aren't that interesting but rather someone dying at an inopportune moment or letting a small infection turn into something fatal.  There are, however, a few deaths that are really out there.

-- A Finnish actress died in 1939 when she mistook a chimney for a balcony and fell down the chimney to her death.  Where was Santa then huh?  And how in the hell do you confuse a chimney with a balcony?  I've never been to Finland but I'm pretty sure their architecture isn't that different from ours.

-- A Guitarist was electrocuted to death by a microphone while on stage.  This was probably God's way of telling him to stop singing.

-- Christine Chubbuck, a news reporter in Florida, committed suicide on live television in 1974 by pulling out her revolver and shooting herself in the head.  She decided to take her 15 seconds of fame at the end of her life. What a horrifyingly selfish way to claim the spotlight for yourself.

-- Then you have the guy that died laughing, literally. I've heard of this happening but what surprises me is that the movie he was watching at the time was A Fish Called Wanda.  Of all the movies you die laughing from it's this one?

There are many, many more of course.  I just concentrated on the modern day deaths, but they also included historical deaths as well.  It seems as if those would be more difficult to prove and were likely exaggerated over the years.  When my time comes I really don't want it to be sensational enough to get into the news.  If I'm going to be known for something,  I don't want it to be dying.  After all, I won't be around to reap the benefits.    

If I Were a Boy...

If I woke up tomorrow morning only to find that by some catastrophic nuclear disaster or something I was a man instead of a woman, what would I do?  Don't tell me you've never wondered what it would be like to be the opposite sex.  Everybody has.  And I know this not because I've talked to everybody, but because I feel that way so it stands to reason that everyone else thinks like me (don't mess with my logic).  Since I'm in the mood to make lists of things I shall put my response to this question in list format.

If I woke up as a man I would....

1.  Pee Standing Up - That should've been obvious.  Not only because women wish they could do it, but because I always have to go to the bathroom first thing in the morning anyway.

2.  Lift Something Heavy - I'd make sure to pick something I normally struggle with as a woman and see what a difference it makes being a man.  I might even try a pull-up or two.  I'd just have to be careful not to get carried away picking up heavy things or I'd give myself a hernia within the first 20 minutes of being a man.

3.  Punch Someone in the Face - I would start a fight just to punch a guy.  I'd pick a guy smaller than me of course.  This is assuming that I'm transformed into a normal sized guy and not just like I am now but with a penis.  If I looked like I do now as I man I should definitely stay inside or I'd be the guy getting punched in the face.

4.  Drive Somewhere - I'm ordinarily a bad driver but I'm betting that my new-found penis will lead the way. 

5.  Get My Car Repaired - ...or pretty much any work done that requires a mechanic or carpenter or handyman.  I'd be sure to get a better price and finally see what it's like to not get talked down to.

6.  Try to Fix Something Myself - I just need to know if mechanical knowledge comes with the penis or if I have to upgrade for that.

7.  Spend Time With My Dog - Will he become my best friend or just remain a loyal pet?  

8.  See How Much Alcohol I Can Drink - Ordinarily I'm done after two glasses of wine.  Can I really drink an entire six pack by myself?  I could try this at pretty much any bar and not worry about some creep taking advantage of drunk me.  Well, that isn't entirely true.  I'd have to pay attention to the neighborhood before attempting this.

9.  Grow A Beard - It'll take some time, but I think it'll be worth it.  I'd try out a goatee first and move on to a full beard from there.  It would be great if I had chest hair too.  I'd save on coats as I'd already have natural insulation. 

10.  Masturbate! - You knew that was coming (pun intended).  How could you not do this under the circumstances?  I wouldn't go so far as to have sex though.  It would just be too weird.  Masturbation is a different story however. 


So, what would you do if you woke up tomorrow as a member of the opposite sex?

What Makes You Laugh?

If there's one thing that everyone loves to do it's laugh.  Have you ever met anyone that doesn't like laughing?  If you do, you should probably run away because they definitely aren't the sort you want to be seen with.  Although laughing is something we can all agree on, what makes us laugh is different for everybody.  Here are a few things that make me laugh.


1. Tosh.O - If you haven't seen this show on Comedy Central, you haven't fully appreciated internet video.  Ever wonder if a bear shits in the woods?  Tosh knows the answer to that one.  He also gives those stupid people who make an ass of themselves on YouTube, a chance to redeem themselves. 

2. When celebrities take themselves too seriously - Lindsay Lohan somehow believes she has single-name recognition.  Obviously she has an inflated sense of self-worth.  Somebody needs to take her down a notch.  Seeing her get so upset over her own made-up parody of herself is hilarious.

3.  Confused People - Seeing someone so confused that they really don't know what to say or do is one of the most entertaining things ever.  Why else do you think people purposely try to give over-elaborate directions to a place just up the road?  Try answering a question with a statement so ridiculous that it can't be immediately understood by the human brain.  You can almost see the gears turning in their head.  It's only funny up to a point though - after that it just gets sad.

4. People who think they have a sense of style - Spending a lot of money on your look doesn't mean you automatically look good.  Also, just because Lady Gaga looks good in something doesn't mean you should try it.  As a matter of fact, no one can wear what she wears - not even her.

5.  A slap to the face - "What did the five fingers say to the face? Slap!" Classic.  It is funnier if a guy is doing the slapping.  That turns a genuine argument into silliness the moment that happens.  The more random the slap, the better.

6.  Random nudity - The human body can be beautiful but if you aren't expecting it, that's when it becomes interesting.  A guy walks out of his apartment with no pants on - as long as there aren't children around, it's hilarious.  Bonus points if he is old or ugly.

7.  Stuttering - I know that it isn't right to make fun of people with genuine disabilities, but someone that stutters is hard NOT to laugh at.  Unless of course the stutterer just happens to be the customer service rep that you got stuck with. 

8.  A trailer with an Escalade parked out front - Or pretty much any display of disproportionate wealth.  A guy who owns a 52" plasma screen TV but uses old milk crates as a bookshelf really needs to reassess his priorities.

9.  Augusten Burroughs - Despite the messed up things that happened to him he still manages to write autobiographies that'll make you laugh.  Running with Scissors is his best work in my opinion.  If you haven't read any of his stuff, you should check it out.


10. Laughter - Laughter is contagious.  I have no doubt about that.  As sure as I'll vomit if I see someone else do it, I'll laugh if someone else is laughing.  I don't even have to know what they're laughing about.  I'll laugh anyway.

What do you think is funny?

Women Can Remember Things Better Than Men

Today a conversation occurred between my husband and I that happens all too frequently. 

Me: You bought cheez-its at the store today?
Husband: Yeah.
Me: You told me you didn't like cheez-its.  
Husband: When did I say that?
Me: When I bought the last box of cheez-its that are still in the cabinet.  I brought them home and you said you don't really like cheez-its so I've been the only one eating them.
Husband: Oh yeah, I guess I did say that.

WTF?  This happens all the time.  He will forget not only what he said, but apparently forgets what he likes and doesn't like.  Just this week he also told me he doesn't really care for soda, so I didn't buy any more at the grocery store.  The few cans that were left would be enough for me.  I've seen my husband drinking soda every day this week.  Now we are almost out and he didn't pick any more up at the store because he doesn't drink soda.

Do guys really have horrible memories or what?  I did some research and found a website here that discusses this.  Women apparently do have better memories when it comes to episodic memory.  Women can remember things related to vocabulary, faces, smells - that sort of thing.  So when a wife accuses her husband of forgetting things like their anniversary or what she told him, then the wife is probably right.  It can be particularly frustrating for women however, as it seems to not bother men to forget these things.  Whenever I confront my husband with discrepancies he just shrugs it off.

To be fair, there are things that men are better at remembering but these things seem to be along the lines of remembering how to take a piece of equipment apart or remembering directions.  I'm sure men are just as annoyed when women have to follow mapquest or GPS directions in order to get somewhere.  But, I'll take remembering words over remembering directions any day.  I guess this would make women better as witnesses in court cases and also experts at holding grudges.  If I can remember a hateful comment from ten years ago, I'm not likely to forgive you for it.  Ah, the downside to having an excellent memory.     

The Wheels on the Bus

I rode the school bus from the time I was in Kindergarten until the end of my tenth grade year when I got my first car.  No, I wasn’t continuously on the bus those eleven years and if you thought that then you are obviously too literal.  I had the misfortune of being one of the first stops on the bus route in the morning and one of the last to be dropped off in the afternoon.  And, as I lived in a rural area, I was on the bus for about an hour and a half every day.  I lived only 15 minutes drive from the school.  You can tell my family cared enough about me to transport me to and from school. 

Anyway, that school bus ride every day wasn’t so bad.  Mostly I passed the time reading.  The social interactions one observes on the school bus are fascinating.  I remember a few snippets of the school bus scene.

I was in third grade and a high school girl offered to put makeup on me.  She drew a rainbow on my cheek with eye shadow.   All the other girls in third grade were jealous when I got to school.  The high schooler wasn’t even popular, but she was practically an adult to us, so it didn’t matter.

In fourth grade I had birthday money that I brought to school with me.  I didn’t spend much of it at snack time that day so I brought the rest back home with me in the pocket of my Members Only jacket.  I lay down on a seat on the school bus when about half of the kids had gotten off already.  I dozed off for a while and when I woke up I realized my money was gone.  I thought it must have dropped on the floor of the bus.  I heard high school boys in the back of the bus whispering and cutting up.  I just knew they had taken it.  A few years later, one of those boys would be responsible for breaking into our house while we were away.  That guy has robbed me twice.

When I was in middle school a new kid in elementary school sat beside me on the bus for most of the year.  We had been given assigned seats that year.  I wore a fanny pack most of the time (hey, it was acceptable then).  I pulled my walkman out of my fanny pack to listen to it.  The girl wanted to borrow it.  I let her borrow a tape.  I never got the tape back.  She said her brother took it.  You can’t trust a kid with your mixed tape.

I was in ninth grade.  We pulled up to the house of one of my fellow classmates.  His house was on fire.  He yelled out “Oh no, my underwear!”.  The bus driver called it in and drove the kid to his grandparent’s house.  I was afraid for a while after that of pulling up to my house one day only to find it on fire.

How much stuff goes on in a school bus that teachers and parents don’t know about?  Probably a lot.  I think I’d rather drive my kids to school.  Then they won’t get their birthday money stolen or see a friend’s house on fire.       

Children are Better Than Adults

I know, I know it's ironic that my previous post was about how people procreate too much and this post is about how awesome kids are.  It's my prerogative.
Kids can be simultaneously some of the most entertaining, inspiring, cruel, and heartless people on the planet.  There are candy sweet stories of children saving puppies and feeding the homeless.  There are horrifying stories of children killing children and abusing their siblings.  I suppose children exemplify the extremes of humanity even better than most adults.  They lack experience and logic to temper their thoughts and decisions.  Those same characteristics that make them adorable also make them terrifying.  Just take these situations for example:

1. Seven year old child heroically dials 911 while armed gunmen are still in the house holding his parents at gunpoint.   
Watch the video

2. Two brothers age 10 and 12 attack two other children and leave them for dead in the UK.
Read the story

3. Eleven year old Mackenzie becomes paralyzed following an injury in a soccer game but maintains a positive attitude and regains the use of her legs.
Watch the video

4. Seven year old guilty of grand theft auto claims he just wants to "do hood rat stuff with my friends".
View the article

The list could go on and on.  Kids pretty much just do whatever makes them feel good.  If they want to go somewhere and their parents won't let them, they steal their grandma's SUV.  But this self-serving behavior doesn't account for the acts of altruism you see many children carry out.  What makes kids want to help others?  It can be argued that there is a certain amount of self-gratification to that too.  If it makes you feel good to make other people happy then why not do what it takes to make people happy?

Adults often get too caught up in the what ifs.  What if I don't get anything in return for my efforts? What if the person I'm trying to help takes advantage of me?  While these are all healthy questions to ask there are times when a childlike optimism and sympathy is called for.  Adversely it is this same trait of instant gratification desire that causes children not to consider the consequences of their actions.  Come to think of it, there are adults that act that way too, but by that point it isn't cute anymore.  It's just sad.

The Office