Black Hole of Indecisiveness

I didn't know what to do. Like any true liberal arts graduate I wavered back and forth between going back to college to pursue a second Bachelor's degree, to pursue a Master's in History, or to forget school for now and focus on continuing my career in the Intelligence field. I applied to a college in Virginia as an undergrad with the intent of picking up a few more history courses before charging in as a graduate student. I was accepted but didn't register for classes. Between the time I applied and time for registration came about, my husband and I had decided to move back to Georgia. So, I focused on applying to intel jobs in the Atlanta area....of which there aren't many I assure you. After a couple of promising interviews and emails I met with a wall of defeat. It turns out that this economy isn't the best in which to look for a new job (who knew?). So, now I've come full circle to applying to college again, this time as an undergrad in Georgia.


This year of insanity has provided a lot of insight into my tendency to be indecisive. Because I can't figure out exactly what I want to do I end up not doing much of anything. I even stopped writing because I felt that it would distract from my job search and that it wasn't productive so why bother. I was being bitter basically. So now I say screw it. I should just do what I've been wanting to do for 2 years now....go back to school. I'm not totally abandoning logic here. A BA in Anthropology isn't much use even in a good job market and my 7 years of intel experience is restricted to the military field and civilian employers don't give flip about that it seems. I have no intention of going back overseas or moving all over kingdom come again to hunt down an elusive intel job. So, changing careers seems like a good move as long as I pick a degree that will give me good job prospects after graduation. I have no problem working a dead-end hourly job as long as I'm in school and working toward something better.


For those of you who even read this and have wondered what I've been up to this past year the answer is simple and boring - nothing. Well, I have made significant strides in fitness. I took up running (I needed to see progress in some area of my life) and I've since competed in a 5k, 10k trail race, half marathon, and marathon. My next race is a half marathon on Thanksgiving Day so at least I'm physically better off than I was a year ago. I tend to have a one-track mind so focusing so intently on improving my running has resulted on everything else being out of focus. "I have a two hour run in the morning! I don't have time for anything else!" That's how my messed up brain works. A multi-tasking corporate mogul I'll never be.

Having a Dirty, Racist Friend Can be Awkward

  I discovered the site xtranormal that's responsible for so many of those funny videos that you see around the internet.  Here is my first attempt which took zero planning and thought to produce.  When I have the chance I plan on doing something better.

Jesus Isn't Available Right Now

     So, I had a pretty disturbing dream the other day that I'm still trying to decipher.  It wasn't one of those nighttime dreams, but was one of those midday nap dreams which always tend to be a little bit weirder.  The content of the majority of the dream really isn't relevant.  Lucky for me because I don't remember most of it anyway.  What I do remember is making some reference to Jesus in the dream and being told that Jesus is busy right now anyway.  I was then led to a shack where Jesus was sitting in a chair, staring like a zombie at the television, and being guarded by a couple of demon-like (or possibly biker-like) dudes.  It was reminiscent of the scene from Shaun of the Dead where Ed the zombie is playing video games in the shed out back.

     What in the world does this dream mean?  It could be some subconscious effort to tell me I'm losing my religion (props to REM), but then again it could just be a result of the cold medicine I took before the nap.  Not every dream has to have a hidden meaning, but how can you tell which one does and which one doesn't?  Am I supposed to write this down as some Nostradamus-type prophesy about zombie Jesus?  Should I start my own cult of Zombieism (Christianzombie, Zombianity)?  Just because zombie Jesus is glued to the television, should we join in or does it mean that our religion(s) don't mean as much to us anymore now that we have a glowing box to worship?  Did the second coming of Christ already take place but he was too freaked out by all the technology he saw and has since then been in a shack watching T.V. somewhere and no one knows? 

     People major in Philosophy in order to ponder these and other of life's biggest questions.  I say ponder because they never get around to actually answering any questions.  Makes you wonder how someone can validate majoring in Philosophy.  Makes you wonder just how difficult the doctoral theses has to be.  Just throw in a bunch of references of famous philosophers and a bunch of esoteric ideas that no one can prove or disprove and you've got yourself a PhD.  Zombie Jesus would be proud.      

Put Me In a State of Torpor

   From Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary:  Definition of TORPOR : a state of mental and motor inactivity with partial or total insensibility : extreme sluggishness or stagnation of function 

  It is cold, very cold.  Lately the temperature at night has gone down into the teens and rises only a little above the freezing point during the day.  I don't deal well with cold weather.  After all, I'm just not used to it.  I grew up in Georgia and spent most of my adult life moving around to areas known more for hot summers than cold winters.  So, this weather makes me wish I could go into a state of hibernation or at least a state of torpor until it gets a little warmer out.

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

   

  Not all animals that go into dens or burrows during colder weather enter into true hibernation.  Skunks, badgers, and raccoons enter into a state of torpor which is different from hibernation in that they can actually wake-up, move around, and eat when they need to instead of sleeping away the whole winter.  Their body temperature decreases as does their heart rate which allows them to conserve energy.  Bears, on the other hand, aren't really true hibernators at all.  Their body temperature only decreases slightly and they often wake-up and move around in their dens and may come out for food if they get really hungry.  So basically, bears are a lot like people during the winter.

   Unfortunately humans can't truly hibernate or even go into a state of torpor.  If our body temperature falls too much we suffer from hypothermia which ain't a good thing.  Prolonged hypothermia = death and not happy-sleep-hibernation time.  I know, you're probably just as disappointed as I am.  Doctors have been researching the possibility of putting people into a state of hibernation to help with various illnesses and reduce the shock of some surgeries, but they haven't been able to get past that hypothermia problem.  How nice would it be to ride out some painful or debilitating injury or illness by just sleeping it off for a few months?  Alas, that isn't going to happen anytime soon.

   As intelligent as humans (think they) are you'd think we would have this hibernation thing figured out by now.  We have been watching animals sleep for thousands of years and still don't know much about it.  I guess that's the price we have to pay for intelligence: we have to be awake during winter so we can sit 
around and complain about how cold it is outside.  

My Dog Hates Me

  I think my dog hates me, or at least is somewhat sadistic.  Sure, he looks up at me with puppy dog eyes most of the time and he is cute and whatnot, but that is likely all a ruse to gain my trust.  As evidence of his hatred for me I will present exhibit A: he responds to training while at home but once we get to the training class he acts like he doesn't know what "sit" means.  He obviously wants to make it seem that we haven't been practicing any of the commands in our free time.  But, I like to give him the benefit of the doubt and attribute his behavior to some sort of puppy ADD.

  The thing that really makes me wonder whether or not he cares for my well-being is his desire to frolic in sub-freezing temperatures.  This is a dog who, in the summer and fall, had no interest in playing outside or going for a leisurely walk.  I had to make him go on walks and he was always eager to return home.  Now that it is an ungodly temperature outside he decides to spend some time in the great outdoors.  He wants to go out more often, run around while he's out there, and is reluctant to come in.  I have a cold (and possibly the flu as I have a fever) and this dog wants to drag me outside multiple times in a day, in the cold, to play.  Well, that's just mean.  Shame on you Indy, shame on you.

I'm the Wanderer

   You thought I fell off the face of the planet didn't you?  Maybe I did, but I'm back now....sort of.  Since my last blog a lot of things have (not) happened.  I did not go back overseas, partly because the company dragged their feet getting me an offer letter to the point where I'd have only a week to prepare to go overseas and I hate being rushed.  Also, the logistics of both me and my husband going overseas and trying to figure out what to do with two pets and a house full of stuff was just frustrating.  The ultimate reason though was that I didn't want to go and that I really wanted to get a "real" job here in the states, despite not knowing what a "real" job is anymore.  The military really screwed that up for me. 

    So, the hubby went overseas and I stayed  behind trying to figure out what to do with myself.  I decided to go ahead and move to the next state on our list of places to try and settle down in - Virginia.  The idea being that when my husband returns he will get a job here.  It helps that it's symbolically and literally a middle ground for my New York husband and my Georgia self.  I like it here so far, which is more than I could say for Arizona which depressed me from the first day we moved there. 


   So, you might ask, what are you doing now?  The answer is that I really have no idea.  My ultimate goal is to teach, but first I need to get certified.  I'm studying for my PRAXIS exams now, which is the first step.  But, since It'll be a while before I can start teaching I need to find something to do in the meantime.  Aside from joining a gym, taking my dog to training classes, and practicing my best teacher impersonation, I've given consideration to writing again.  I had stopped writing altogether (as is evidenced by my absence from my own blog) because I didn't take myself seriously and really had no idea the direction I would go with my writing.  However, now that I have the time I figure why the hell not?  I know I'll be here for a while so I don't have to worry about moving and can just dig in to the writing.  Worst case scenario: I get frustrated with it and my blogs become angsty(er?).    

Back in the Saddle

I realize I've been away from blogging or writing in general for a few months.  I've moved across the country, gotten a new job, and I'm already quitting and moving on to something else.  I'm still in training with the current job, if you can believe that.  Two and a half months in and I'm still in this God-awful training that serves no purpose.  I had gotten word that I would be laid off in September so I applied to other positions.  Although going back overseas wasn't my first choice, I turned to it because of the money offered and because, quite frankly, life is a lot simpler over there.  So, I have three weeks to get my affairs in order before I go back to Iraq, as a civilian this time. 


I'm one of these people that needs some sort of stability and regular schedule in my life.  Probably one of the reasons I haven't been writing since I've been here is that I haven't quite figured out what I'm doing here.  You'd think training would be a piece of cake, but I constantly have the feeling that I'm serving no purpose and I'm not contributing in any way.  This feeling only got worse when I knew I was losing my job.  What's the point of going through over two months of training to put in only a month and a half of work?  Now that I've  figured out what I'm doing next and I know what my next job consists of (only a week or two of training for that!), I feel much better.  I need to stop stressing over little things so much.